Five Superhero Powers John Would Like to Have

by Domenika Marzione

1 - Probability Manipulation

He can control being good. He'd like to control being lucky, too.

2 - Intangibility

So it would hurt less when he got slammed to the mat during hand-to-hand training. So he wouldn't get slammed to the mat in the first place.

So he'd never feel the snap of vertebrae from a too-hard landing during How to Crash Your Bird and Walk Away training.

So he'd be able to avoid the backslaps and towel snaps and jostling that went along with being friends with pilots.

So being shot at would be less of an issue.

So he could literally fade through the wall instead of just leaning uneasily against it wishing he could.

3 - Telekinesis

Remote? Who needs a remote?

Always getting the last cookie, always reaching the switch without having to take your hands off the stick, never having to get up for a tissue or a pencil or a beer.

Never having to watch friends die when they can't avoid an incoming RPG.

He'd win in Vegas for once.

Jean Grey flies in the comics, right?

4 - X-Ray Vision

Because he was a a very impressionable age when Porky's came out and he's still fifteen at heart.

5 - Telepathy

Because they don't make Women-to-English dictionaries yet.

Because sometimes orders don't make any sense, either.

Because "ooh-rah" from a marine means everything but "no, sir" and sometimes he likes a little more precision than that.

Because he's more like his father than is healthy and they went decades hoping the one knew how the other felt.

Because when they send you off to train with another nation's air force and tell you "don't worry, everyone speaks English," they're usually lying.

feed me on LJ?


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29 April, 2007