A Boy Named Dick
By: Dannell Lites
To The Tune Of: "A Boy Named Sue" by Johnny Cash
My Dad he died when I was nine
Which sure put me in a hell of a bind,
He fell from off that old high trapeze with grace and ease.
Now I don't blame him 'cause he went and died,
But the meanest of all his dirty lies ...
Was before he fell he went and named me Dick!
Well, he must of thought it was quite a hoot
And it got a lot of laughs from a lot of mooks,
That's why now I carry these escrima sticks.
Donna would giggle and I'd get red,
And then Roy would laugh and I'd bust his head ...
I tell ya life ain't easy for a boy named Dick!
Well, it was Gotham town in No Man's Land
And I'd just snuck in to give Bruce a hand
I thought I'd go catch myself a crook
At a carnival wearin' bright gold and red
There a flying way up overhead
Was the thoughtless, pervert sick who named me Dick!
Well, I knew that flyer was my own sweet Dad
That here at long last was the ugly cad
And I was still hoppin' mad because he named me Dick.
He was sleek and fast and brave and bold,
But I caught him, then, in a leg lock hold
And I cried, "My name is Dick! I do them karate/Kung-Fu high
kicks! Now you're gonna die!"
He swung out on that aerial bar
And I followed him, but not too far
'Cause he did a double back flip, giving me the slip.
So I kicked at him, aiming for his teeth,
Got to admit it was my firm belief
That he was gonna kick my butt from here to Idaho!
I tell ya, I've fought tougher villains
But not too many who were quite so willin'
He was quick as an eel and just about twice as fast.
I saw him dodge and then I saw him duck
He was damned mean and rough, not to mention tuff!
And I've gotta say, I didn't think that I could last!
He said: "Now you just fought one hellava fight
And I know you hate me and I think you might
Wanna kill me and I'd not blame you 'cause I'm a prick
But you oughta thank me, before I die
For the gravel in your guts and the spit in your eye
'Cause I'm the gun of a gun that named you 'Dick'!"
I got all choked up, didn't care that he had won
And I called him my Dad and he called me his son,
And I came away with a different point of view.
Well, I think about him, now and then,
Every time I try and every time I win,
And if I ever have a son, I think I'm gonna name him --
Bruce or Sam! Anything but Dick! I still hate that name!