The Marvel Universe Woke Up Gay!
By: Dannell Lites
SPIFFY DISCLAIMER THINGIE!
Ah do not own any of the characters in this fic! Marvel Comics does! *fume* *fume* This is a fanfic for entertainment purposes only and not intended to infringe on copyrights held by anybody a'tall:) So don't sue moi!
Rated PG-13 for ... well, just BECAUSE!:):) Also rated OUCHIE for some really, really bad jokes! Beware!
This is all rith's fault! She did it! She did it! Ah was an innocent victim, Ah swear! This is also to acknowledge moi's partners in crime, Falstaff and Casey 1122:):) Ya'll are the very best, guys!!
Thor woke up gay and immediately called down Odin's wrath upon his half brother Loki! Forsooth this was most ungodly! As if the Thor Corps weren't emnbaressment enough!
Loki woke up gay and knew it had to have been the silly hat. Damn you, Jack Kirby!
Ironman woke up gay and began designing looser, more striking armor. (Maybe something in a nice fucia.)
Captain America woke up gay, and decided that if it was okay with the Army, it was square by him.
Bucky woke up gay and was really pissed about being dead. What with Cap still being alive and all ...
Namor, the Submariner woke up gay and cried, "Neptune's trident this is some foul trick of Attuma's! Imperius Rex!"
Magneto woke up gay and snarled, "Charles this is *most* unseemly for men of our age!"
Charles Xavier woke up gay and just smiled at Magnus.
The Hulk woke up gay and shouted, "Hulk will SMASH!" Then he wondered where Rick had gotten himself off to....
Rick Jones woke up gay and thanked God he wasn't the Hulk's side kick anymore!
The Wasp woke up gay, looked at her costume collection and mused, "I haven't got a thing to wear!"
Giantman woke up gay, pulled down his pants, looked down and breathed a sigh of relief. "Nope!" he thought gratefully. "Still the same size!"
Reed Richards, Mr. Fantastic, woke up gay and recoiled in horror. "I have GOT to stay out of the Negative Zone!" he exclaimed, looking around for Johnny Storm, his brother in law.
Sue Richards woke up gay and at once began to regret that the She-Hulk was no longer a member of the Fantastic Four.
She-Hulk woke up gay and burned all her nude pictures of Wyatt Wingfoot, Triathalon, Captain America, the Black Panther, Giantman, Thor ...
Johnny Storm, the Human Torch, woke up gay and headed for Fire Island.
The Angel woke up gay and *bought* Fire Island.
Benjamin J. Grimm, the Thing, woke up gay and realized that he ws now Ben-Gay.
Simon Williams, Wonderman, woke up gay and cursed. "Damned ions! What have they done to me NOW??" Oh, boy was Wanda going to be pissed about this one!
Dr. Doom woke up gay and proceeded to conquorer a small neighboring country in retaliation.
Scott Summers, Cyclops woke up gay and immediately suspected that he was a clone from an alternate time line.
Bobby Drake, the Iceman, woke up gay and nobody noticed.
Remy LeBeau, Gambit, woke up gay and nobody cared.
The Beast woke up gay and declared empahtically, "Well, THAT experiment was an unqualified failure! That's certainly not the cure for the Legacy Virus!" and returned to his lab.
Jamie Madrox woke up gay and slapped himself silly.
Northstar woke up gay and....Oh. Never mind. :-)
Hawkeye woke up gay and grabbed an arrow. He was all a-quiver. <Groan!>
Alex Summers woke up gay and blamed the whole damned thing on his older brother Scott. It was all Scott's fault!
Iron Fist woke up gay and thought of a whole new meaning for his codename...
Wolverine woke up gay and, using his hyper-keen animal like senses, began to track down the culprit. "I'm comin' for ya, bub!"
Storm woke up gay and Urbana, Illinois disappeared, wiped out of existence beneath the most violent thunderstorm in all of recorded history. Then she left for Japan, determined to find Yukio.
Sabretooth woke up gay and loped off in search of Logan. The runt was in for one hellava surprise now, wasn't he?
Dracula, Lord of Vampires woke up gay and went in search of Marv Wolfman.
Allfather Odin woke up gay, snapped his fingers, and put the Universe right again. Ah! That was ever so much better!
Access woke up gay, realized he was in the wrong universe, and went in search of a better one.
Nightcrawler woke up gay and wondered about all those rumors he'd heard concerning Errol Flynn. Ach du lieber! Could they be true? In the end he decided to pray about it.
Colossus woke up gay and captured the ambiance of the suituation exquisitely on canvas.
Kitty Pryde woke up gay, shrieked loudly, and went to find Pete Wisdom. "Wisom, you perv!" she thought. "You are soooo dead!"
Brian Braddock, Captain Britian, woke up gay, decided it was a grand old British tradition, gritted his teeth, muttered, "For Queen and country!" and bore up quite well.
Jean Grey, Marvel Girl, woke up gay and was aghast about how to break it to Scott. This was *much* worse than Wolverine. Much worse!
The Black Panther woke up gay and wondered if the KKK had anything to do with it. Or maybe it was the virbramium.
Wolfsbane woke up gay and wqept. Then she went to talk to Moira about it. Hoot mon! Was *this* going to add fuel to the fire of the Reverend Craig's Sunday service!(:(
The Friends of Humanity all woke up gay and blamed the damned muties.
Peter Henry Gyrich woke up gay and didn't leave his house for a month. When he did, he had a new crusade all worked out. Immediately a new organization began to make itself known: The Friends of Fags. Gyrich began wearing a paisely power tie, his only concession to his new status.
Cypher woke up gay and realized that he spoke fluent French, now.
Magik woke up gay and retreated to Limbo to take it out on her pet demon S'ym.
The entire Hellfire Club woke up gay and threw one hell of a debauched party.
Warlock woke up gay and nobody knew the difference. Being a techno-organic lifeform was no picnic sometimes. "Self will talk to self friend DougRamsey!" he decided and moved off to look for his friend.
Karma woke up gay and hoped her siblings Nga and Leong weren't affected.
The Impossible Man woke up gay and was appalled. "But we Poppupians don't have sex! What do I do now?" Then he smiled and split himslf in two. "Hello there, handsome!" he greeted himself.
Galactus woke up gay and went on a strict diet.
The Silver Surfer woke up gay and went to visit Mephisto.
Spiderman woke up gay and told himself the whole Clone Saga was enough to drive anyone around the bend. Thanks God Aunt May wasn't alive to see this! Sheesh!
Daredevil woke up gay and decided that for a pudgy guy Foggy Nelson was hot.
Lockheed woke up gay and became a flaming queen.
Thanatos woke up gay and wondered if Death could be male as well as female.
Polaris woke up gay and sniffled, "Why am I *not* surprised? Thanks a lot Alex!"
Rogue woke up gay and endlessly angsted about it, weeping and moaning, trying to find Gambit even though she STILL couldn't touch him or anybody else.
All the Inhumans woke up gay and things got very very strange indeed.
Psylocke woke up gay and decided that it must be Kwannon's fault. Damned nimbo! Still ... if Jean weren't busy ... why not?
Apocalypse woke up gay and issued the proclaimation that being gay was "of the strong".
Power Pack woke up gay and their parents sent them to bed without any supper.
The Punisher woke up gay and began target practice using images of Garth Innes. Teach that %&$$*^ to f&*^ with him!
Quicksilver woke up gay and cursed his father.
The Wrecking Crew woke up gay and you don't wanna KNOW what they did with that crowbar!
Stan Lee woke up gay and moved to Hollywood.