Just Drawn That Way
By: Dannell Lites
Ah do not own any of the characters who appear in this story!
Comics owns Captain Carrot and His Amazing Zoo Crew! As for
Rabbit and the others... Y'all's guess is as good as moi's:):) But,
any case, no infringement of copyright is intended so don't sue
Rated G for pure as the driven snow ... except for a
bit of innuendo and
This is in answer to a Jessica Rabbit
Challenge issued on the
NC17ToonFiction List! Ah hope everyone
"I'm not bad ... I'm just drawn that way....
~Jessica Rabbit, "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?"~
Rabbit sharpened his # 2 drawing pencil with his sharp
front teeth and
carefully examined the edge out of the corner of his
eye. Hmmmm. That should
do it, he hoped. There was some intricate
background details coming up in
these next few panels of the JLA - the
Justa Lotta Animals.
"I hope I
get the curl of Super Squirrel's tail right this time ... " he
life of a funny book cartoonist was not an easy one. "Not
to mention the size
of BatMouse's cape! Sheesh! How *big* is that
blasted thing anyway?" Another
of life's little mysteries, apparently.
"Why not try drawing *my* tail,
Big Boy?" whispered a sultry female
voice from the shadows. "I garnet you
it's an easier target. And much
more attractive ... "
from his chair at the unexpected sound, whirling to face
the owner of that
delicious voice. His eyes bulged when he found
himself confronted by a lovely
specimen of Toonhood with short, silky
white fur, small perky ears (just the
way he liked them!), half again as
tall as he. Struck speechless, the
cartoonist and part time superhero
dropped his pencil.
*you*?" he finally managed to stammer. Frantically
attempting to retrieve his
rolling pencil, Roger cried in triumph when
he again lay paws on the elusive
object. Staring up once more into those
half lidded eyes, he had time to take
note of the shoulder length titian
red hair with approval. His favorite
And she was even the right species, too! Woo!
But then his
eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Are you a spy from Marsupial
"Of course not!" cried a perturbed Jessica Rabbit. "My name is
Rabbit ... and I'm a genuine damsel in distress here! I need
Roger's long ears perked up and his eyes shone with
he declared. "Really?? A real damsel in distress? We don't
get many of
those around here." He stepped closer to the sniffling
"Just give me a second to slip into someone more powerful," he
"and then Captain Carrot and His Amazing Zoo Crew are at your beck
Jessica wiped her teary eyes and watched the harried hare
step over to a
window box. Carefully he plucked an oversized, strangely
from the loose soil of the box and began to munch. Instantly,
of Righteousness made a sour face.
"Bleech!" he spat. "Have
I ever mentioned to anyone to just how *awful*
those things taste? Must be
all that radiation or something. Yuck!
Give me a nice spinach soufflé any
At that moment Rodney Roger Rabbit was consumed by a flash of
light. Jessica shielded her eyes and when the spots had cleared
that the mild mannered cartoonist had vanished. In his place stood
veritable langomorphic Hercules, mightily thewed, virtually glowing
"OOOOOOO!" purred Jessica. "My goodness! If I weren't so
my very own Honey-Bunny ..."
"Er - ah - yes... " gulped an
embarrassed Captain Carrot. "-Ahem- Let
me summon the rest of the Zoo Crew
and we'll soon get to the bottom of
your problem, Little
Jessica was forced to cover he ears this time as, with the touch
button, the Z Building was inundated with loudly blaring
shrieking, "Alert! Alert! Emergency, even!" and large rolling
lit neon signs declaiming "THIS WAY TO THE EMERGENCY! OVER
Not unexpectedly, Fastbak, Timmie Jo Terrapin, was the first to
"Tarnation!" cried the Worlds Fastest Tortoise. "Cain't y'all shut
that gol durned racket, Captain? What's so all fired
Smiling, Captain Carrot pointed at the sultry
Jessica, who was smoothing
her clinging shirt over her ample hips. "She is."
he informed his
compatriot. Licking her ruby lips Jessica Rabbit smiled at
With a small cry of distress and a tiny sonic
boom to accompany him,
Timmie Jo Terrapin retreated into his shell, cowering
"Huh?" blurted a mystified Roger Rabbit. Approaching the
tortoise, he rapped loudly on the shell, listening as the
reverberated from within.
"Helllllo!" he demanded. "Timmie Jo,
I know you're in there! Come back
out here! Right now!"
whispered the timid terrapin. "Ah'm scairt o' purdy gals."
loser!" opined the deep voice of Rubber Duck, Bryd Rentals. The
leading duck elongated himself into the room at the head of
the remaining Zoo
Crew members. Entwining his flexible neck several
times around the curvaceous
body of a surprised Jessica Rabbit, the film
star leaned her precariously
backwards and whispered into her ear.
"Ah chere," he crooned in his very
best phony French accent (still
somehow redolent of his hometown of Teaneck,
NJ), "Come away wis me to
"Mr.Rentals!" Jessica protested
in a stern voice. "I hardly know you!"
"I know!" the ductile duck
admitted with a rueful, lecherous grin.
"This is the part where we get to
know each other better, baby! Heh,
heh, heh ... "
She stomped his foot
but it did little good. Frustrated, the lovely
Toon gritted her teeth and
pushed Rubber Duck's seeking lips as far away
as possible. Like, say,
*Miami*, if that were feasible.
"Give it up, Byrd, lil' buddy," advised a
snickering Pig Iron. "The
lady ain't interested ... "
Carrot cleared his throat nosily, attracting everyone's
his foot with impatience, he regarded his teammates
with a jaundiced eye. "If
you don't mind, guys, could we get down to
business, here?" came his
sarcastic inquiry. He turned to the flustered
Jessica. "I believe Ms. Rabbit
here has something she'd like to tell
us." Jessica nodded.
stalking me," she whispered. "I've been captured and
escaped three times in
the last month! You've got to help me! He wants
me for his love
Captain Carrot slipped a sympathetic arm around Jessica's
shoulders. "There, there, my dear! You're safe now, here with us.
is this dastardly fiend? Do you know?"
Suddenly the room was
filled with a loud buzzing. In Roger's arms,
Jessica stiffened and shrieked,
"HIM!" she cried. "Magskeeto!"
The Zoo Crewer's gasped
in surprise and horror.
"No, no! NOT
"Oh dear ... And me without my Magskeeto repellent!
Pig Iron scratched his head in befuddlement -- not an unusual
affairs for him. "Magskeeto? Who's Magskeeto?"
"I am the
mightiest mutant in ToonTown!" cried the wrathful, offended
hovering nearby in the air. "No one may match my power!"
*only* mutant in ToonTown!" yipped Rova Barkett, Yankee
readjusting her eye wear fastidiously. "Didn't you watch
my Gossip Insiders
Special on you, for Heaven's sake??"
"Hey!" protest the high voice of the
Mad Stinker. "*I* live in
ToonTown, too! What about me? I'm a mutant!" The
assemblage recoiled in
horror as the The Stinker lifted his bushy, striped
tail in impending
menace. At his side, The Stinker's Awesome Androgonine
balled it's huge hands into fists.
"You are doomed,
unfortunate ones!" continued the Mighty Mite, ignoring
the now angry poodle
And his partner in crime. "Accept your fate! I am
all powerful! I am
invincible! *I* carry disease!" Buzzing loudly the
malicious mutant turned
his attention to the towering Pig Iron. "How
would you like a raging case of
Yellow Fever?" He racked the Porcine
Powerhouse up and down with his
multifaceted eyes in consideration. "
... although in this instance perhaps a
case of Swine Flu would be more
"Swine Flu?" blurted
a discomforted Pig Iron. "Why Swine Flu? Anything
but Swine Flu! Who -what
about your mutant power over magnetism?"
"Oh yes," said the Insect Master
of Magnetism, raising an eyebrow.
So saying, he lifted
the Swine of Steel from the floor with ease,
bouncing him off the walls
"Help!" shrieked the helpless Porker of Power,
"Oh, dear!" murmured Alley Kate Debra, clutching her Magic Wand
aiming her spell carefully at Magskeeto.
fly swatter missed the annoying insect by inches and Feline
Fur stamped her
booted foot in frustration. Flying to safety, Magskeeto
"Ay missed me, ay missed me!" Taunted the mighty mosquito.
"Now ay got
kiss me ... "
"EWE!" chorused all the women in the room.
Jessica Rabbit shivered.
Captain Carrot resisted a sudden, strong urge to
"Oh, who will save us?" Jessica moaned, wringing her slender
"Here I come to save the day!" sang a high,
squeaky but nevertheless
male voice. "That means that Iron Mouse is on the
Yes sir, when there is a wrong to right,
Iron Mouse will join the
On the sea or on the land,
He's got the situation well in
"An armored mouse?" huffed Magskeeto. "Against *my*? Fool! The
Jessica will yet be mine! So swears Magskeeto!"
control of the electromagnetic spectrum the mutant mosquito
of the gold and crimson clad mouse and aimed him
carefully at the scurrying
"Incoming!" shouted a still dazed Pig Iron, barely managing to
"Shiiiiittttt!" ululated a most unhappy Iron Mouse.
"Look out below!"
But before the Armored Rodent could hit the ground his
exploded away from his body, leaving a naked, defenseless Iron
clad only in his silk boxers adorned with bright red hearts. With
great "ooommph" of exploding air he hit the ground and lay still.
birdies took form over his head and began chirping merrily.
whacked!" announced Rubber Duck.
The tragic scene was interrupted by the
timely arrival of a feminine
mouse wearing a jaunty polka dot skirt and
matching hair bow. Her high
heels tapped rhythmically across the floor before
she threw herself to
her knees before the dazed form of Iron
"Mickey, darling!" she wailed piteously. "It's me, your beloved
Speak to me!"
"Jess?" mumbled the rodent superhero. "Jessica,
my sweet? Is that
Minnie rocketed to her feet in fulminating
anger. "Jessica??!" she
exploded. "Who the hell is Jessica? Mickey, you
Rubbing his sore head, the now *un*armored hero did his best to try
sit up. "That's *mouse*," he corrected mildly. "I'm a mouse ...not
rat. Entirely different species, you know."
At which point the
justifiably wrathful Minnie bashed him solidly over
the head with his own
helmet. Then she stalked off, muttering
imprecations under her
"Ba-a-aah-hoo!" the cry rang out in the large room, echoing off
walls. Suddenly the windows exploded inward as darkly garbed,
armed rams and ewes began swinging in through the now broken
buoyed. by retractable cables.
"How the *Hell* -- " began the
ever clueless Pig Iron.
"It's Nick Furry and his Agents of S.H.E.E.P.!"
gasped Fastbak, peeking
cautiously out of his protective shell.in awe at the
"Better believe it, HillBilly!" snarled Nick,
chomping on his ever
present cigar and scratching one of his round panda-bear
mosquito!" he growled. "He nailed me!"
Magskeeto in triumph.
"Nick ol' buddy," demanded Dodo Dugan, his second
in command. "Are you
all right?" He readjusted his bowler hat while his long
twitched in ire around his prominent beak.
Dodo, pal!" declared Nick. Turning to his Agents he
"Would someone mind telling me what's going on here?" wondered
The Mad Stinker, meantime, tucked his tail and cried,
"Run away! Run
Away!" His Awesome Androgonine picked him up and battered its
through the nearest wall.
"Coward!" accused a betrayed
His baleful glare lanced out to peer at the others down his
dangerous proboscis. "Later, my enemies," he sneered, riding a
wave to safety. "I shall return!" he threatened, "Never doubt
Scarcely had the harassed group of do-gooders recovered from this
exit on the part of their powerful foe when their relief was
rather rudely interrupted.
From the ceiling
two strands of micro-thin webbing attached themselves
solidly to the floor
and a colorful red and blue clad figure web slung
his way into their
"Am I too late to join the party?" Peter Porker, the Amazing
Captain Carrot sighed heavily. "Way late,
Web Spinner," the Rabbit of
Righteousness assured him. The arachno-ham
snapped his fingers in
frustration, frowning mightily. But then he thought he
compensation for his tardiness in the luscious form of Jessica
His tail curled tightly as he slid closer and embraced her
"Wanna check out my web, beautiful?" he cooed.
what about Mary Jane Waterbuffalo?" demanded an harassed Jessica,
the amorous Spider Ham with both furry paws.
"Oh that's over," Peter
Porker assured her. "MJ is dating Bruce
Springchicken, now. You know ..
'Hatched In The USA'? All that
contemporary avian angst? I'm a free ham!" He
rubbed his chin in
contemplation. "Or is it Billy Goat Joel she's with, now?
Grinning, the superhero snapped his fingers and began to sing
under his breath.
Going out with a naval
"ALl right!" shouted a very miffed Roger Rabbit in his best
the Zoo Crew voice. "Everybody outta the pool!"
whimpered Yankee Doodle Poodle, "just when it was getting
"Go for it, kid!" Rubberduck cheered for the
"Out, out!" demanded the incensed Roger.
grumbling under their voices, the others obeyed, including
heartbroken Peter Porker.
"Alone, at last!" sighed Captain Carrot,
pulling Jessica in for a
fervent kiss. Gasping for breath, the beauteous Ms.
Rabbit smiled and
"OOOOOOO, Roger!" Jessica purred,
fondling a bicep or two. "Love Bunny
Just then the silence was
sundered by a deep, yet gurgly voice coming
from behind them.
hail, the pulchritudinous Lady Jessica!" it announced. "Future
Atlantis, the Realm Eternal! Imperious Wrecks!"
"Who the Toon are *you*?"
demanded Roger, stepping in front of Jessica
to protect her from the
apparition looming before them. Garbed in
ornate golden armor and a water
filled helmet, his cerulean blue skin
shining in the dim light of the room,
the eight armed octopus waved his
tentacles in greeting.
"I am Warlord
Klang," he declared, bowing before Jessica. "Sent by my
No-More, the Sunk-Mariner to declare his love for
thee, fair maiden. My
Prince bids me give you this in token of his
boundless affection!" The
Atlantean Warlord extended two tentacles
clutching a small bundle wrapped in
day old newspaper. Jessica gasped
and brought her fists to her mouth in
"P-prince No-More?" she wailed. "Oh no! Not No-More! *Anyone*
No-More!" In desperation she clung to Captain Carrot. "Oh save
Roger; save me!"
"This is getting to be a bad habit," muttered the
Toon super-hero. With
a sigh he accepted the package from Klang since Jessica
showed no signs
of being willing to do so. "I wonder what Super Squirrel
would do in
this situation?" he pondered., unwrapping the gift.
... it's a mackerel .. " Roger murmured in bewilderment, staring
glassy eyed picean specimen. "A mackerel ... "
attention is the kiss of death!" Jessica continued
to wail. "ALL his
girlfriends die hideous deaths! Save me, Roger, save
me!" she entreated
"A mackerel ... " marveled The Rabbit Of Tomorrow. "Why would
give you a dead fish?" the Zoo Crew leader wondered. "A dead fish ...
"Roger! I'm going to die!!" shrieked Jessica, hands locked around
hero's throat, now. "Forget about the damned fish will
"Now, now, Fluffikens," the Captain choked, in an attempt to
distraught Jessica. "That's nonsense, dear. His current
Susan Stormtossed, Helpless Woman of the Fantasical Four, is very
alive and well. Why, just yesterday The Fantastical Four saved the
from GalacTortoise, the Devorer of Worlds. Fortunately, they had
of time since he's such a slow eater ... "
Read all about it!" came the newsboy's cry from the
street below through the
open window. "Susan Stormtossed, Helpless Woman
of the Fantastical Four
tragically killed on the eve of her wedding!
Read all about
Jessica screamed and fainted dead away into Roger's strong
Roger began fanning frantically and chafing her
"Jessica? Jessica?? Speak to me!"
"The devastated groom,
Prince No-More of Atlantis, the Sunk-Mariner,
has, as yet, released no
statement at this time. His Sub-Aqueous
Hunkiness could not be reached for
comment ..." droned the perky
The Ever Lovin'
Blue Eyed End!
Aedes aegypti = Yellow Fever Mosquito!