How The Dragon Got His Fire!
A "Just So" Story! by Dannell Lites
This story is a response to the "Just So Stories" Challenge by Kielle on CFAN! There's a *reason* it sounds familiar, heah:):) That's the story Challenge: to write an X-Fic in the style or manner of one of Kipling's charming "Just So Stories". Since Ah am a *major* Kipling fan, this was an irresistible Challenge for moi! Ah have no hope of matching Master Rudyard as a storyteller, but Ah hope folks like the story! There are also thousands of myths out there of clever underdogs overcoming impossible odds, etc. If'n this resembles any of them ... ::shrug::
Rated F for FunnyBone! *snarf* And PG-17 for some naughty language.
As always feedback is craved and eagerly responded to!
Now in the long ago time, when dragons and X-Men roamed the earth, there lived a little dragon named Lockheed. Lockheed was cool. Which is to say that he could not breathe fire. This really pissed him off, O Devoted Readers, as you might well imagine. What good was a dragon without fire to breathe, I ask you? Lockheed felt bad.
His pet human, Kitty-Kat, was not cool. Kitty-Kat was phasey. Which is to say that she could walk through walls and things like that. And while this was strange, it was still better than the Wolverine who was crazy (but still cool). Lockheed often wondered what the point was, though, since there were so many nice doors everywhere in the X-Mansion, but being a polite, young dragon (or so he told himself) he didn't mention it.
Besides, Kitty-Kat didn't speak dragon, anyway.
Well, the Sabretooth was an ill-tempered, evil brute whose greatest joy in all the world was making trouble for the heroic X-Men. In particular, he loved to fight with the savage Wolverine. They fought often. Much blood ensued. Since the Sabretooth and the Wolverine could heal very, very fast things weren't as bad as they might have been. But the healing was definitely a Good Thing, it must be admitted. Both of them being closed mouthed, mysterious sorts, no one was quite certain *why* they fought, not even them. They just did.
But, I hear you ask in impatient tones, just how did the dragon and the Sabretooth came to fight one another and what does this have to do with How The Dragon Got His Fire? Get on with it, woman!
Ah, therein lies our Tale, O Most Beloved!
Read on ...
One day when Lockheed was all alone in the X-Mansion, his stomach growled and he went in diligent search of food. Lockheed was hungry. Lockheed was *always* hungry. But since the X-Men were off saving the Universe (which they did on a pretty much regular basis, although no one ever noticed), the little dragon was forced to fend for himself. Now the Sabretooth chose this ill time to come and fight with the Wolverine again. But the Wolverine was gone, of course. The Sabretooth didn't know this (he having never been too keen about gathering information before a fight) so he came to play anyway. When he couldn't find the Wolverine he was not a happy Sabretooth.
"Hey, runt!" he bellowed, "where the hell are ya!?"
Lockheed, who understood English as well as any other X-Man, but didn't dain to speak it, heard him and covered his ears with his wings. He also dropped the carton of chocolate milk he ws drinking onto the tile floor.
"Oooops," burped Lockheed and stuffed the double-Dutch Fudge Choco-Chip cookie into his waiting mouth.
Somebody was making a lot of noise. Peering around the kitchen door into the living room, he observed the Sabretooth toss the living room couch through the front bay window, followed swiftly by the end table and the home entertainment center. Lockheed fumed. He was very fond of that home entertainment center! Where else was he going to watched Dragon-Ball Z?
"Feh," the little dragon spat as the Sabretooth ripped the stuffing out of his favorite couch cushion and bellowed again for The Wolverine in colorful language.
Lockheed had learned many colorful words from his pet Kitty-Kat: "schiksa", "mamzer", "tsuckis" ... But, of course, colorful as the Kitty-Kat's language was, the Wolverine's was even more colorful. And loud. Very loud. But not as loud as this mamzer.
How to get rid of this yutz, though?
"C'mere, dragon ..." coaxed the evilly grinning Sabretooth, sharpening his claws at the sight of the brave little dragon.
"Phbbbbttt!" replied Lockheed, sticking out his tongue at the nasty, angry villain.
And away he flew, with the Sabretooth close behind.
Thinking quickly, Lockheed rounded a corner into the hallway and took refuge in the small hanging chandelier and waited, peering over the side. As soon as the Sabretooth stepped into the room, the small dragon power-dived the evil villain, aiming for the Sabretooth's long yellow hair. Tangling himself in the bright mass, Lockheed, pulled and ripped, clawing for the Sabretooth's eyes.
"Ow! Ow!" cried the Sabretooth, distressed. Then he tripped over the hallway phone table and crashed into a wall.
Away flew brave little Lockheed! Leading the furious Sabretooth farther and farther into the bowels of the X-Mansion, the intrepid dragon kept himself just out of reach of those strong hand and those sharp claws.
Lockheed had a plan, you see.
"Phbbbbbbt!" taunted Lockheed. Which was the draconian equivalent of, "Yo' Mama wears combat boots!" But then it occurred to Lockheed, too late, that this might not be an insult as far as the Sabretooth was concerned. But ...
"Yer meat, dragon!" the Sabretooth roared and chased him faster.
Lockheed smiled but the Sabretooth was too angry to notice.
Finally, Lockheed arrived in the underground Hanger Bay. Resolutely, his tiny heart beating pitter-pat, he curled up in the cockpit of the big Blackbird-Plane and switched on the outside cameras just in time to see the Sabretooth come roaring into the Hanger Bay.
"Come on out, dragon," urged the Sabretooth, "it'll hurt less!"
Abandoning his cozy little nest in the cockpit, Lockheed flew for the ceiling in a blur, then came hurtling back down, hitting the Sabretooth in the back of the head to get his attention. It worked. Lockheed looked behind him as he lead the Sabretooth around to the back of the Black-Bird Plane. This trick had worked swell when his Kitty-Kat used it against the Thing With The Bad Smell, but it had to be timed just right ...
The Sabretooth rounded the corner, smiling viscously. Lockheed darted for the far away ceiling.
And the Black-Bird Plane's engines roared to life, catching the Sabretooth in their exhausts. Lockheed held his delicate nose against the odor of roasting Sabretooth. Quick fried to a crackly crunch!
"Son of a bitch!" shouted the Sabretooth, still smoking and sizzling, much put out. "That *hurt*!"
"Uh huh," gloated Lockheed.
The poor, much abused Sabretooth rolled out of the way of the exhausts and batted at courageous little Lockheed. By chance, he knocked the small dragon in the direction of the still flaming exhausts.
"Eeeeeeppppp!" cried Lockheed, flapping furiously to avoid them. Tumbling directly into the path of the flames, he covered his eyes with his wings. After a few moments, when he was still alive, he blinked and flew out of the fire. And there was the Sabretooth, waiting for him.
"Phui!" spat Lockheed in disgust at the sight.
And belched fire.
Lockheed was no longer cool. Which was to say that he was no longer flameless. He was a proper dragon, now! Overjoyed, Lockheed charged at the Sabretooth, breathing fire and forcing the Sabretooth back and back and back. When the Sabretooth was up against the door to the X-Men's Dangerous-Place-To-Be-Room, brave little Lockheed breathed fire at him one last time. The Sabretooth tried to duck and Lockheed opened the door. Into the Dangerous-Place-To-Be-Room tumbled the Sabretooth! Lockheed shut the door.
"Whew!" breathed brave little Lockheed. And inadvertently melted the Dangerous-Place-To-Be-Room's door opening mechanism.
With a shrug, Lock flew off back to Kitty-Kat's room and curled up on the bed for a long nap.
***************************************************************** So, when the X-Men returned home they found their X-Mansion in a great shambles with furniture broken and overturned, pillow stuffing laying about and all manner of such untidy things.
"Oh my stars and garters!" cried the Beast With The Blue Fur.
"Holee spit!" opined Bobby, the Ice Drake.
"Damn!" cursed the grouchy old Cyclops, looking around frantically for an enemy. Since this was third time in the past year that the X-Mansion (or some part thereof) had been trashed, perhaps he can be forgiven for his fit of temper. But then, he *was* a grouchy old Cyclops, after all. That was his job.
"Fan out!" he ordered. "Check carefully, everywhere. Stay on your toes, people!"
The Ice Drake and The Beast With The Blue Fur headed directly for the kitchen to check upon their precious horde of Twinkie Food and Frozen Chocolate Ding Dongs that gave them their strength and made them heroic. All the X-Men searched. But their search turned up nothing but more damage until they came to the Dangerous-Place-To-Be-Room.
"I don't believe it!" the grouchy old Cyclops said, happy for once.
"He's really, really mad," observed the fiery Phoenix-Bird.
"No shit," agreed the Ice Drake, ducking back as the Sabretooth threw himself, enraged, at the viewing window of the Dangerous-Place-To-Be-Room control center.
When Lockheed saw his Kitty-Kat he was very glad, so he flew to her and settled himself snugly in her long, warm hair with a contented sigh. Lockheed did not entirely approve of his pet Kitty-Kat running about saving the Universe, but he loved her quite dearly and so was willing to indulge her.
"Dragon, you're a menace," the Kitty-Kat said, extracting the little dragon from her dark locks and scratching Lookheed's round, plump little belly.
"OOOOOO!" cooed Lockheed.
"Hey!" cried the Ice Drake, poking his chilly head into the Kitty-Kat's room. "How the crap did the Sabretooth get locked up in our Dangerous-Place-To-Be-Room?" he wondered.
"News to me," shrugged the Kitty-Kat.
"Heh, heh, heh," chuckled Lockheed.