By Dannell Lites
To The Tune Of: "Thais" (trad.)
One time in Gotham City now, wicked Gotham City now
Where nights are wild with revelry and life is but a game
There lived, there in No Mans Land, an adventuress and
The pride of Gotham City now and Lilhy was her name!
(Tune: "The Stripper")
Nearby in peace and piety, avoiding all society
There dwelt a band of heroes fair who'd made their refuge there
And in the Batcave's solitude they spurned all earthly folly to
Devote their lives to good deeds now, to kicking ass with
(Tune: "Bad To The Bone")
Now one hero whom I solely mention of this band of heroes fair
Was known as Az-a-rael, he was famous near and far
At fasting bouts and prayer with him, none other could compare
At plain and fancy praying he could do the course in par!
(Tune: "God Of Our Fathers")
One day while sleeping heavily, from wrestling with the Devil he
Had gone to bed exhausted, though the sun was shining still
He had a vision Freudian, and thought he was annoyed he, an-
Alysed it in the well known style of Doctors Jung and Brill!
(Tune: "They're Coming To Take Me Away!")
He dreamed of Gotham City now, of wicked Gotham City now
A crowd of men were cheering in a manner rather rude
And Az-a-rael glancing there at Lilhy who was dancing there
Observed her do the shimmy in what artist call THE NUDE!
(Tune: "Yield Not To Temptation")
Said he, "This dream fantastical disturbs my thoughts monastical
Some unexpressed desire, I fear, has rung my hero's bell
I blushed up to the hat o' me, to view that girl's anatomy
I'll go to Gotham City now and save her soul from Hell!"
(Tune: "Jesus Wants Me For A Sunbeam")
So, pausing not to wonder where, he'd put his spandex underwear
He quickly packed his armor there, a canon and his sword
To guard against capture he, threw in his bestest rosary
And bidding the BatBoys "Adieu!", he prayed unto the Lord!
(Tune: "Drop Kick Me Jesus Threw The Goal Posts Of Life")
The hero, though warned and fortified was deeply shocked and mortified
To find, on his arrival wild debauchery in sway
Some were vague and stuporant, caused by booze of more than two
The rest were all behaving in a most immoral way!
(Tune: "Sodam and Gamorrah")
Said he to Lilhy, "Pardon moi. Although this job is hard on moi
I've got to put you straight to what I came out here to tell:
What's all this whoring gettin' you? Cut out this pie-eyed
Let's hit the road together, kid, and save your soul from
(Tune: "Onward Christian Soldiers")
Although this bold admonishment, caused Lilhy some astonishment,
She quickly answered, "Woo! My you're a gorgeous hunk, let's
This burg's a frost; no yelling you! I'll jump your bones, I'm
If you'll just give me half a chance, so let's pack up and
(Tune: "Blowing In The Wind")
So off from Gotham City now, wicked Gotham City now,
Across the DMZ they go, beneath the burning sun.
Till Lilhy, parched and sweltering, finds refuge in the
Seclusion of a convent in the habit of a nun!
And now the hero's terrified to find his fears are verified,
His holy vows of chastity have cracked beneath the strain!
Like one who has a jag on he, cries out in grief and agony
"I'd sell my soul to see her do the shimmy once again!"
(Tune: "The Stripper")
Alas! His pleadings amorous, though passionate and clamorous
Have come too late. The courtesan has danced her final dance.
Said he, "Now that's a joke on me, for that there dame to croak
I never should have passed her up the time I had the chance!"