title: the Vows we Break
fandom: Hikaru no Go
characters/pairings: Shindou Masao/OMC(s), Shindou Mitsuko, Hikaru/Akira, Touya Akiko & Kouyo
rating: Mature
warnings: sex, cheating, stabbing
summary: Shindou Masao has a midlife crisis, which may or may not have something to do with his son.
notes: written for the hikago big bang. this is essentially original!fic, given that it primarily revolves around a character than never appears in the manga or the anime. for anyone willing to take a chance and read it anyway, i deeply appreciate it. i've written Shindou Masao as gay before, so that idea has somewhat been in my head for a while. this fic could be seen as a sequel to 1/2 tsp. red pepper flakes, though it would be the most absurd sequel ever, since that fic was 357 words, and this one is over 55,000.

February



He put his cell phone in the pocket of his robe, and tightened the towel around his waist. Mitsuko had sounded surprised that he'd called. It was true, he didn't always call when he was on a business trip, most especially when it was essentially an overnighter. He didn't even always come home from work, so...

He'd just been thinking too damned much. He needed to stop doing that somehow.

Stepping out into the open air bath, Masao had an urge to turn around and leave, but, naturally, it was too late. He was in Kyoto to meet with people from another department in Fujitsu and with people they were working with on a joint project. Staying in a classy onsen was supposed to be a perk, but they'd stayed in meetings through dinner and until late, and now the bath was full of the same people.

They were going to have breakfast together, too. This was all a bit much.

He smiled brightly, though, as he got into the water. It was part of business, after all. Charm was more important than a degree, really. "Nice to be able to relax after work, isn't it?"

Sugano-san grinned at him wolfishly. Masao did not like this man. Technically, Masao outranked him in the company, but Sugano-san was out in Kyoto, running his own department without having too many people to look over his shoulder. He acted like a damned king holding court. "I would have thought that you'd be relaxing in your room. That cute waitress was flirting with you all through dinner! I was so jealous!"

Masao smiled, trying not to look at the other men. Of course, they laughed, most probably because they felt like they had no choice. "Oh, was she? I didn't notice. I'm sure she became much more interested in you once you opened your wallet, though." That waitress wasn't even eighteen. Younger than Hikaru. This bloated whale would really try something with someone like her, wouldn't he?

"Look at you!" Sugano-san laughed. "You must work out. Doesn't he look like he must have a young lover? No one would believe we were the same age!"

Masao worked hard at not making a face. He should have gotten himself a room with a private bath. "That's just your hard living showing," he sighed.

He was better than most at maintaining work relationships. He rarely accumulated enemies, and strove to push others forward ahead of himself, ensuring that they would feel grateful to him and hopefully not stab him in the back. It was like learning to survive in a jungle. You had to be able to identify the predators, and work out a strategy to develop a symbiotic relationship. All that was fine, but.

Masao felt stressed.

He didn't like to admit it, even to himself, but something had definitely... changed in him recently. He wasn't reacting to things the way he should. He was getting irritated so much easier at the little things. He just wasn't coping well. He managed to tune out the great whale as best he could, keeping his reactions measured and normal. The man across the bath from him was from their partner company. He had beautiful, elegant fingers that Masao had noticed earlier. He also had a penchant for watching people. Masao met his gaze, but didn't respond.

This was work. He had to remember. This was for work, it was about work, he had to work.

Somewhere in the back of his head, he kept track of time. A few of their party got out of the bath, but as he was the last to enter, he couldn't leave too quickly. He waited what he guessed was about five minutes, though. That was plenty long enough. By tuning out Sugano-san's crude jokes, he was able to just slip out and make his farewells without much fuss. The man across from him... and damn, Masao should remember his name... Shimoda? Shimada? Shibata? He got out, too. They both redressed in their robes while exchanging only necessary pleasantries. Masao kept his gaze away from the man's hands. In the elevator to the rooms, the man said something, cluing Masao in that he was just as tired of Sugano-san, but Masao said something nondescript in reply. It wouldn't do to bad-mouth someone from his own company. That could backfire far too easily. The other man got off at the third floor, and Masao continued on to the fifth.

Finally. He could be alone.

"Shindou-san."

Masao's heart sank to his slippered feet. "Kinjou-kun, I thought you retired for the evening," he sighed. The younger man brightened, though. Just from being acknowledged?

He didn't have to think about it much to know that it had been a huge mistake to bring the young man with him on this trip. He needed to bring someone, though, and Kinjou-kun was the only qualified person who wasn't too busy to spare a day. Masao would have preferred to bring Arakawa-san, truly, but he wasn't about to expose her to Sugano-san's behavior.

Kinjou-kun sidled up against the wall next to the door of Masao's room. "Well, I got ready for bed," he said suggestively.

"Then please, don't stand on ceremony," Masao replied crankily. He opened his door...

And was unsurprised that Kinjou-kun slipped right inside.

He couldn't cause a fuss in the hallway, so he followed Kinjou-kun in, but he was already preparing to shove him right back out again. Clearly, the young man had the wrong idea. About a lot of things. "I'm sorry, but I..."

Kinjou-kun opened his robe and let it drop to the floor. He looked over his bare shoulder seductively at Masao. It wasn't that he was overestimating himself. Kinjou-kun's bare back was quite appealing.

This just wasn't what Masao wanted.

"Shindou-san... let me share your bed tonight."

Masao sighed, and looked at the floor. "Kinjou-kun... this is so inappropriate. We... You should go back... to your room... this..."

If Kinjou-kun was listening, then he just didn't want to hear what Masao was saying. Masao couldn't blame him, though. He wasn't behaving like a man who wasn't willing to be seduced. He had to be clearer, firmer.

Kinjou-kun stepped inside the room, and over to the futon that had been prepared. "Your room is bigger than mine." Kinjou-kun's gaze settled at Masao's crotch. "This is a nice onsen, though. When we were first driving up, I thought it might be one of those... you know, modern places that are really just hotels. But it's nice." Kinjou-kun settled himself down on Masao's futon, and leaned back on his hands, displaying his body.

It was a nice body, and the young man ought to go and find someone who would appreciate it like it ought to be, but Masao couldn't be that person. He knelt down at the head of the futon, and looked Kinjou-kun in the eye. "You need to put your robe back on, and go back to your room. This is not a good idea."

That wasn't the least convincing thing Masao could have said, but since Kinjou-kun reached out to pull on the belt of Masao's robe, it certainly wasn't the most convincing, either. "I understand... you must feel guilty, Shindou-san. So it's all right." He flicked back the belt ends, and opened Masao's robe. Masao's body was still warm and moist from the bath. Kinjou-kun's eyes widened with approval. "I don't mind it if you don't want to take responsibility. I don't mind if you want me to do all the work." Kinjou-kun smiled coquettishly, and showed Masao the tube of lube he had concealed in the palm of his hand.

Masao started to shake his head, but then he was on his back. Kinjou-kun had one hand on Masao's dick, and his mouth on Masao's neck. Masao put his hands on the young man's shoulders, knowing. This couldn't continue.

Masao moaned softly, and closed his eyes.

Kinjou-kun chuckled softly, his tongue laving Masao's nipple. "You work so hard... at appearing so calm and collected. This can be all my fault, Shindou-san. But, for tonight. For right now.

"It's ok to give in."

Kinjou-kun straddled Masao's hips, and then he reached back. Kinjou-kun's dick bobbed in the air as he stretched himself out. It was a pretty fucking erotic sight going on right on top of him. Kinjou-kun leaned down to nibble at Masao's nipples a bit more while he stroked Masao's dick until it was slick, too.

This was insane.

Kinjou-kun positioned himself, and then started to lower himself down on Masao's cock. Masao reached up to grab Kinjou-kun's hips, digging his fingers into Kinjou-kun's flesh. Yes, Masao was hard, desperately hard, and yes, he knew this was going to happen. He sure as fuck wasn't going to throw the young man off of him now. But Kinjou-kun was moving torturously slowly. His ass bobbed down by millimeters as Kinjou-kun moaned, making Masao even more desperate, even more needy.

Fuck all of this.

Masao surged forward, pushing Kinjou-kun down. The young man cried out as Masao pushed in, all the way, entirely in. He looked Kinjou-kun in the eye as he settled for just a moment.

He wasn't just sitting in his chair, letting his subordinate get between his legs. He wasn't just lying there, letting it happen. He was going to do this.

He held Kinjou-kun's hand in place as he thrust, again and again, plundering Kinjou-kun's body. He put his free hand down on the young man's mouth as he started to get louder and louder. Masao was only getting started, after all. He let go of Kinjou-kun's hand so he could stroke the man's cock as he pushed in deeper, harder, faster. It was tight, and hot, and Kinjou-kun was spreading out for him, staring up at him, sucking on Masao's fingers...

Kinjou-kun came before him, and as he thrust into that hard, tightening clench, he groaned and swore. He had moved positions, so for his last several thrusts, they were so close together, he could feel Kinjou-kun breathing on his skin. He came, and he saw stars for a moment. Kinjou-kun kept saying his name, over and over. Kinjou-kun's hands were all over his body. He rolled next to him, feeling languid, relaxed. Kinjou-kun touched his face, hair, looked into his eyes, pleading, "Shindou-san," and Masao wasn't thinking.

He kissed the younger man, his tongue taking Kinjou-kun's mouth just as deeply as he'd just taken his body.





It was a little after seven when he got home, just before the rain. He'd have to take an umbrella when he went out again. He remembered to call out, "I'm home," only after he'd hung up his coat and slipped out of his shoes. Mitsuko came out of the kitchen in a hurry, looking upset.

"Masao! You scared me!"

He smiled sheepishly. "It's a sad state of affairs when my coming home before dawn scares you so much," he tried to tease.

She swatted at his arm halfheartedly. "Oh, stop. I just wasn't expecting you. I... I haven't even planned anything for dinner," she fretted, looking back at the kitchen. She looked... guilty?

That just made him feel guiltier. "It's... I'm meeting Natsuo for drinks tonight. It's... that night," he explained quietly, his hand reaching out partially toward his wife. He didn't touch her, though.

"Oh!" she gave him a funny look. "Of course. Kitano-san. How nice." She was smiling a bit, but she was watching him carefully. It made him feel like he was under a microscope.

"I'm sorry," he said, a knee-jerk response. What was he apologizing for, besides...? "Ah... you haven't... you haven't eaten, should we... order something, or...?" He'd promised to meet Natsuo at the bar at eight thirty, so he didn't really have time, but he didn't like to think of Mitsuko skipping meals, home alone. "Hikaru is...?" He looked toward the upstairs. Not like he could see through the ceiling.

"Oh, he's out... some sort of... study class? Or group? Or... maybe just out with friends," she laughed. "But I think he'll be home tonight. There are matches tomorrow."

He smiled back at her. "Of course... you know his schedule..." he trailed off. He wasn't really a part of this family anymore, was he? And, it had all been his own decision. To avoid the things he didn't want, he gave up everything. Right?

She reached out and squeezed his arm. He didn't even flinch. "You came home to change your clothes, right? You have to look good for your... drinking buddy?" She winked at him, smiling.

He felt so damned guilty. "No, I just... You're teasing me again," he laughed, shaking his head. "I'm not as vain as you think I am!" he complained. Though, he didn't have much ground with her. "Fine, fine, I'm going to change now," he sighed.

At least he made her laugh.

He hung up his suit and found some nice jeans. He hardly ever wore these. He was pretty sure he looked like an old man trying too hard in them, but it was fine. It wasn't like he was going out to pick up someone.

Why would he even think of that?

He went to the bathroom to wash up. He checked to make sure he didn't need a shave, and brushed his teeth. There was a small vase with daisies on the toilet. He looked at them for a little bit, puzzled.

Mitsuko... had come to really like flowers lately, hadn't she? Even in the bathroom?

It was a woman's house. That was fine.

He finished up and went back downstairs. Mitsuko came back out of the kitchen, and smiled at him, looking him over. She refrained from mocking him, though. "Ok, I'm off. Are you... are you all right for dinner?" He looked over into the kitchen.

"Oh!" she blushed. "Yes, don't worry. I have... friends... Anyway, don't forget an umbrella," she nagged.

"I got it, I got it," he grinned, slipping on his shoes. "Thank you."

She was standing right near him, looking him over... worried. "You're not...," she blurted out, and then she looked away. "I mean... you'll be home tonight. Right?"

He blinked. Damn it... he knew exactly what she was thinking... so he pretended he didn't, and grinned. "Of course I will. Just drinks. Like. Always." He hesitated a moment, and then he reached out, and kissed her cheek. Just a quick touch. "I'll probably be home before the last train. Maybe even before our son."

She smiled at him, looking a bit more relieved than she should have. "All right, dear. Have a good time. Say hello to Kitano-san for me."

"I will," he nodded to her, and then he took off.

He was about fifteen minutes late to their meeting, so Natsuo was already inside at a table, with food spread out. Unsurprisingly, Natsuo had ordered everything Masao would have wanted. Smiling, Masao slipped into the booth opposite Natsuo. "Sorry I'm late. This looks good."

"Good to see you, too, Masao," Natsuo grinned. Looking Masao over.

He was being overly sensitive. Still... it was good to see Natsuo, too. Suddenly, Masao had a tactile memory from back in college. Damn, he didn't need to be thinking about things like this. If he'd just been firmer with Kinjou-kun... or, less firm, as the case may be. "So... er, how's the family?" he asked, picking up his beer. He never drank too much during these meetings, which they'd been having regularly since they graduated. That was safer, perhaps, but he felt more tempted now than normal.

There was no normal anymore.

"Family is fine," Natsuo shrugged. "Do you really want me to go through the details?" He gave Masao a piercing look.

Masao couldn't meet that gaze. He didn't want to be strange now. After all, Natsuo knew him, very well. "Sorry. I seem to be off my game lately."

"Has something happened?"

Masao could feel Natsuo watching him. Of course he could. He took a bite of something. He didn't really taste it. He was thinking about when they were in college. That was over twenty damned years ago, so why was he thinking about it now, like it was yesterday? Mitsuko... knew, didn't she? That was why she was worried he wouldn't go home tonight. And Natsuo knew he was being weird. They'd lived together, after all. For three years, they shared an apartment, a bed, a bath, a kitchen. He drank more, finishing his glass.

"Something's definitely going on with you," Natsuo casually stated. "I can remember the last time you drank like that."

So could Masao. That was the night after the day his wedding plans had been finalized. And that night... "No," Masao denied. He looked Natsuo in the eye, and smiled. Natsuo still had a strong, prominent brow, though his hair had receded slightly, and it was grey at the temples. If Masao had gone grey so young, he would have dyed his hair black. "No, I... it's just work stuff." He could see Kinjou-kun, spreading himself out while straddling Masao. He had to be going through some sort of mid-life crisis. Why did he have to start thinking about this stuff now? "Underlings..." Masao shrugged.

Natsuo laughed a bit. "You're starting to sound like an old middle manager. If you let your job get to you like that, you'll get wrinkles. If you lose your good looks, there won't be anything worthwhile about you anymore," he teased.

Now, that was funny. Really funny. Laughing out loud, Masao felt a tiny bit of pressure easing off his shoulders. He looked Natsuo in the eye. "My good looks, huh? I'm too old for that sort of thing anymore." He shook his head, still grinning. Wrinkles. Masao probably had some. "You know... my son. He's in love."

"Oh, good for him. You've met the girl? Kids Hikaru's age... they don't necessarily bring 'em home to the parents anymore." Natsuo gave him a significant look and wiggled his eyebrows.

Masao smirked. "I've met the young man, yes. He's a bit serious. They argue like an old married couple. It's sickeningly cute."

Natsuo froze. "Wait... you... he...? Damn. That's a kick in the pants, huh?"

Masao took some more food. He was tasting it now. "Yeah, I suppose it is."

"Well, good for Hikaru. He's... sure a lucky little brat," Natsuo said, unable to repress the bitterness.

Masao knew he'd understand, even without talking about it. It made it better and then not. "Yeah. Though... that makes me glad."

"That makes you other things, too, right?" Natsuo asked.

Masao looked up at him, startled, and then looked away. He was imaging strange things. He was sick of the way his mind was working now. Natsuo... they used to be, well, teenagers together. Animals together. But that was all in the past. It was such a long time ago. "No. I mean. Obviously, but. Mostly, I'm amazed. My son is... spending the night with his boyfriend," Masao sighed, rolling his eyes. "That's definitely more aging than wrinkles."

"I'm glad Chizu-chan is a few years younger. I don't quite have to deal with that, yet," Natsuo grinned.

"You know, sixteen isn't..." Masao started.

"Don't finish that sentence," Natsuo shook his head.

Masao grinned, and dipped his head down.

He wanted things to be normal again.






January • February • MarchAprilMayJuneJulyAugustSeptemberOctoberNovemberDecemberEpilogue


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