title: understayed
fandom: Gundam 00
characters/pairings: Alleluia/Halleluia, Hallelui/girl, Lockon
rating: G/Teen
warnings: language, sex, drinking
summary: Alleluia, at the end of season one.
notes: for the gundam00 fanfic challenge... which i won, whut?? *blushes!* takes place just after ep 25, so. possible spoilers.
one quick note on the names... due to a suggestion from the comm mod, the submitted version of the fic used the official spelling of the names, which i guess is Allelujah/Hallelujah. she had reasons for suggesting that, and i didn't have a problem with it, because romanization is a flexible thing, and also, i believe both forms of both of those words is correct, however... for posting to my site/this comm, i wanted to use the names as i initially had them because... let's face it, official names can often be really wonky (see dgm canon, bleah) and these are words i have literally seen all my life. i might actually find Hallelujah to be more... 'correct' or aesthetically pleasing, the spelling Allelujah looks just awful and wrong to me. =X
i just wanted to make a note of that, in case a judge saw the fic here and thought there was some trick or something weird going on... just throwing out that explanation. ^_~

The face reflected in the glass was laughing as the blood floated by between them. His breath hitched, like it was being frozen inside of his throat. The blood touched his lips... he was shivering, but the blood felt hot, and Halleluia was laughing silently at him. Weren't they both dying? Was it funny? Alleluia's tears spilled and spread out. Were they hot, too, or would they get cold in the air? Was it his blood or Halleluia's that was so hot? His tears would freeze and Halleluia's blood would boil. That didn't make any sense, perhaps. Halleluia was watching him cry.

He shivered... if Halleluia's blood froze, they would both die. Did that make sense? Why was it Halleluia's blood, again? It was getting hard to think, and he knew that was a bad sign. Were they really dying? He was having trouble understanding that.

"Have I ever told you... that you look pretty when you're crying?" Halleluia mocked, the seduction in his tone belied by his chortle. His voice, though. His voice was faraway. Alleluia could barely hear him.

He didn't like this. Halleluia was over there instead of in him... It was lonely.

Lonely.

He watched from the mirror behind the bed while Halleluia fucked that girl. It wasn't like he was trying to watch. It wasn't like this was how he wanted it. It wasn't like he didn't understand it. He could feel Halleluia's heart pounding as he thrust. His own skin was getting hot, his own heart was pounding inside the mirror. Her nails were long, and she dug them into Halleluia's arms as Halleluia dug his fingers into her hips. She was moaning like a whore, which wasn't inappropriate, but she really couldn't help herself. He was so rough with her, growling as he moved in her. Alleluia wasn't trying to watch. He didn't want to, not like this. Red trickled down from under her nails, welling up like raindrops on a windshield. Even from behind the glass, Alleluia could feel their sweat, their hot breath. It wasn't like he didn't understand, but...

Halleluia's eyes were locked with his as they came. The girl, she was young, not unpretty, but she was just a girl. She was no one, really. No one cared about her. But Alleluia couldn't help it, watching. It wasn't like he didn't want at all. Halleluia just wanted faster.

Faster.

"Are you sure you know how to drive this thing?" Alleluia ignored Halleluia's condescending tone and sneer. He eased up on the controls a bit... the solar drive had one hell of a fucking kick, like riding on pure power. He turned, and brought it to a sharp stop, practicing bouncing off an asteriod. No wonder Halleluia was interested. But he wasn't necessary. This was Alleluia's first time in the cockpit of Kyrios. Just getting the feel for the machine. For his machine, his Gundam. He had the feeling... it was different than he'd ever felt before in his life. Like being at home, possibly? It was possible. Alleluia wouldn't know what being at home was like, but he did know that he felt like he wasn't lost anymore. Kyrios... he might have been built to be this machine's meister. "Aren't you getting full of yourself!" Halleluia taunted, but Alleluia just grinned.

Fuck, maybe he could get full of himself as much as he liked and help save the world. "And kill some people who have been pissing us off," Halleluia added helpfully. Alleluia just ignored him, revving up the engine. He'd see how fast he could navigate the asteroid field to get back to the ship. He caressed the sticks as he adjusted his grip.

"Oh, virgins are so cute..." Halleluia sneered, but Alleluia could see the way he was eying the weapons control.

Control.

"I don't need you anymore I don't need you anymore I don't need you anymore go away go away go away I don't need you anymore go away!" Alleluia screamed, pounding his fists against the mirror, but Halleluia just laughed and laughed. Tears poured down Halleluia's face as Alleluia cried. He was weak. That was the problem. He was so weak, he'd created this mask to hide behind... and if he cried for a hundred years, it wouldn't bring back the people he'd killed... all of them wanted to survive. There should have been another way!

"Are you so sure you're not the mask?" Halleluia purred. "The cuteness and light and puppies and all that shit... the stuff I've got to pretend to be so I can insinuate myself in this happy-go-fuck-me group as a killer do-gooder? You were raised, after all, to be nothing but a soldier, a killing machine. Doesn't it make more sense that I'm the real you?" There was logic to that, real logic, and yet. Yet. No. He couldn't believe it. Didn't want to, because if he did... no.

Alleluia shook his head, frantic. "N-no... no... I don't need you anymore..." he whimpered. The image of Halleluia dissolved in his tears, and he saw them, all of them, saw them broken, saw them begging, saw the blood...

Blood.

He couldn't watch, but he couldn't look away. Maybe he thought of it like a duty, watching those that Halleluia killed, keeping a record of them inside of his heart, in his dreams, in his bones. Halleluia would laugh at him if he wasn't too busy laughing at his weak opponents. Weak... But they weren't any guiltier than he was. Less so, more likely. They had mothers and fathers and siblings and people who cared about them.

"Are you going to bitch at me through the entire raid?" Halleluia cackled loudly.

He was insane, of course. Alleluia was, too, he knew, but he wasn't killing people for no reason. Maybe he'd be able to accept it easier if Halleluia didn't enjoy it so much. "And maybe you'd enjoy it more if you got that fucking bat out of your ass. Fucking shit, you're not actually buying into all this do-gooder crap, are you? You forget your roots, boy..." If only he could turn his eyes away. But he had to see what Halleluia saw. Had to feel what he felt. It made him sick.

"You think I don't get sick being inside of a wuss like you, too?" Halleluia sneered as he maneuvered back to make sure he destroyed the last few suits.

Alleluia wanted to believe that he was nothing like Halleluia, but the thought that he wasn't was probably even worse. Halleluia was never weak.

Weak.

The light snapped on, and Alleluia's back stiffened. Unconsciously, he -- Halleluia? -- reached for the knife on the table. Lockon's gentle laughter didn't really serve to ease his tension. "I thought you were in the infirmary," Alleluia gently reprimanded Lockon.

"Are you going to beat my ass for wanting a drink?" Lockon taunted right back. He gave Alleluia's glass a pointed look, but Alleluia just wrapped his hand around it. So he was drinking... he was old enough. It was more fun with Ms. Sumeragi -- not as much fun as it could be if you'd stop being such a nancy boy -- but it wasn't like he was doing anything illegal. Technically, he'd taken the bottle from Ms. Sumeragi, but...

Lockon sat down heavily opposite him, and picked up the bottle casually, like he had every right. Alleluia just smiled at him absently -- at least that guy's got some balls -- releasing his hold on the knife. "You know, Alle, I'm glad you're on our side." Alleluia blinked, a bit surprised by the admission. "I think you might be a scarier guy than we even realize."

Halleluia was laughing manically inside his head, which made it hard to smile. I like this guy. Let's fight him. "What do you mean? C'mon. I'm no scarier than any of you," he lied.

Lied.

"You know he doesn't shower," Halleluia told him as Alleluia brushed his teeth, his eyes on the mirror. Why he always had to talk while their mouth was full, Alleluia couldn't understand... "I haven't seen him in the mess either." Halleluia was talking about Tiera again. Since they joined Celestial Being, Halleluia seemed a bit too fixated on the other meister. "Are you sure he's not a chick?"

Alleluia didn't really care one way or the other if he was. He could be a fucking chipmunk for all Alleluia cared.

"Ha, and you're the nice one," Halleluia laughed. But Celestial Being wasn't exactly a social club. And they weren't chosen because they were good conversationalists. He'd noticed that Tiera wasn't overly friendly, even by their standards, and he respected the man's privacy.

He also noticed that Tiera was sort of slim and lithe and not exactly the butch type, but it didn't necessarily take large muscle mass to pilot a Gundam.

"You just don't want to think about him naked because he could end up dead in the field." Alleluia stopped brushing his teeth, and just stared into Halleluia's taunting eyes. He was just... why would he think something like that...? "C'mon, life's short, we're all joined up so we can die. There are ways to find out. And while you're at it, get inside that Sumeragi bitch's tight little pants, ok? Don't wanna miss that ride before we go."

Alleluia shook his head, and bent over the sink, so he couldn't see Halleluia anymore. Why did he have to talk about it so lightly? In their position, the last thing they should be joking about was death.

Death.

Alleluia couldn't hear him or see him anymore. Gone ahead... was that real? If Halleluia's hot blood was still hitting him, he couldn't feel it. Couldn't feel anything, so nothing was real. Was this what it was like to die? Cold, and lonely, and empty?

He wanted to laugh, but it was too hard to breathe. After all this time, being alone... He didn't want to die like this. He wanted... Halleluia back? Wanted to live? He didn't know what he wanted.

He coughed, and it felt warm. Halleluia's blood?

Maybe he wasn't alone yet. Maybe he wasn't dead yet.

He was afraid.








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