title: time and time
fandom: Ouran High School Host Club
characters/pairings: Kyouya/Tamaki, Haruhi/Tamaki
rating: G
warnings: introspection
summary: Tamaki remembers his mother.
notes: series spoilers. i forget where in the manga all this comes up, so we'll say spoilers for up to volume 6 of the manga, and past where the anime is at currently (ep 14).

Sometimes, he would think about his mother.

He would think about her smile, or her laugh, and he would smile. When he played the piano, he thought about the many hours playing for his mother, and the gentle way she would clap for him when he got to the end of a piece.

Sometimes, he would think about how she would praise him for his grades, or tease him about how many girlfriends he had. He sometimes saw glints of his mother in the customers at the club, and that made it all the easier to let the words of love flow.

Sometimes, he would think of the last time he saw her, and how sick she was, and he would wonder when he would see her again. If he would. He didn't like to think of that, however, because it was depressing, and he couldn't stand being depressed.

Sometimes, he would wake up in the middle of the night, sweaty sheets wrapped around him too tightly, like he was mummified, the echoes of the terror of his dream still shaking him. The image of his mother's skeletal hand reaching out for him, her screams of pain, her unending question still echoing in his ears... Why did you abandon me? On those nights, without even thinking about it, without really knowing what he was doing, he would call Kyouya. He would sob and hiccup and sputter uncontrollably, and Kyouya would speak smooth, forgotten words, until, the speakerphone still on so he could hear Kyouya breathing, Tamaki could sleep again.

Sometimes, he would realize that there was a very good possibility that he might never see his beloved mother again. That she might predecease his grandmother, that his time was quickly running out... that he had no idea in what condition his mother was in, or how long she might have. She might recover completely, remarry, have children, little half brothers and sisters that he would never meet. She might die alone in some antiseptic hospital without his knowing. She might wile away her years, waiting for her husband and son to return to her.

Sometimes, he would need to put his head in Kyouya's lap, because he didn't have it in him to keep smiling, and Kyouya didn't expect it, and didn't need an explanation. Sometimes, he was very sure that Kyouya knew exactly where his mother was, and exactly what her condition was, but sometimes, he really wanted Kyouya to confirm that.

Sometimes, he would kiss Kyouya, and hold him tightly, because he didn't need a reason, and neither did Kyouya, and everything was the same after, so it was all right.

Sometimes, Kyouya would look at Tamaki and Haruhi, and he would think how nice it would be if Haruhi saw Tamaki the way he did. But he wasn't ready to hand Tamaki over to her yet.

Because she only understood Tamaki sometimes, still, and Kyouya still understood him all the time.