title: Reflections on the Universe
fandom: Hikaru no Go
characters/pairings: Hikaru/Akira, Touya Kouyo
rating: G
warnings: none
summary: Akira considers Hikaru over the goban.
notes: for meemobunny, for Christmas. whee. can be read as a follow-up to Chasing Your Tail.

Outside, the shishi-odoshi knocked gently, but Akira didn't notice. He was gazing down on the board, his chin in his hand, his brow furrowed. The goban was scattered with white and black and pieces, the pattern intricately detailed, folding within itself. Black was winning, but white still had a chance. He knew that white still had a chance, but he didn't see, and he couldn't look past the board at all, because naggingly, he knew that Hikaru would see it.

Shindou. He used to call him Shindou. Even in his thoughts, he would always refer to him as Shindou. Shindou was his rival, but their competition bred something else.

Hikaru bleached his bangs every two weeks. He didn't even think about it much. He did it with the same casual thoughtlessness that he brushed his teeth. He liked tea in the morning, never drank coffee, and drank pop whenever else he could. He loved ramen, but couldn't make it for himself, not even the crappy packaged kind. He played Go with passion, and he kept his secrets with smiles and scowls. He could still be surprised by new things he learned about Go. He changed his clothes as soon as he got home, and wasn't shy at all about changing right in front of Akira. He whined a lot, and needed to be prodded into doing chores, but when he did them, he did them well. He liked to sleep in, hated to read, watched cartoons, had video games, but only ever played Go, was bad with computers, liked to do calisthenics to clear his mind, and sometimes, when he was sleeping, he would whimper something that sounded like Sai, but Akira could never make it out for sure.

And he was adorable when he was asleep.

His body was lean and toned. His hands were beautiful, simply beautiful, and half the joy of playing Go with him was watching his hands clack down pieces on the goban. He had serious moods, and his eyes were sinful at those times. He had playful moods, and his smile was infectious. After a shower, he would walk around the apartment in his towel until he was ready to get dressed for bed. Akira dreamed about his body at night sometimes, dreamed about his mouth, his hands, his eyes. Every night. Akira was sick with need for Hikaru, and lost, entirely, rendered mute in the face of his lust.

He had watched Hikaru grow over the years, watched him from behind, when all he wanted was a taste of that talent, just a taste, something to grasp onto, if only for a second; he watched him from ahead, when he wanted to forget the name Shindou Hikaru and pretend he had never existed. Now, he just desperately wanted to walk the path to the Divine Move side by side with Hikaru.

"Akira." His father's deep voice rumbled through his musings. "If you did not wish to play, you did not have to."

Akira blushed bright red, and he bit his lip. "Father, sorry, I was just..."

Touya turned away from the goban. "We don't have to play every time you visit. In a week, I'll be going back to China. We can talk, if that's why you are here."

Akira bent his head down. "I... I'm sorry, father."

Touya considered his son. "Akira. You have done well."

He smiled softly. His father rarely, if ever, praised him. His playing of late was not worthy of praise, nor was it the focus of what his father said. Akira's heart beat just a little harder. "I feel... at a crossroads."

His father gazed out the sliding door to the koi pond. Thin leaves fell from the trees above to the surface of the water. "Making a choice... where to place the next stone, or what to do with your life... Sometimes, it is good to take time to consider the options. Sometimes, when you know what you want, it's vital to act quickly, to reach out and take what you can with both hands." He stood up, and lifted Akira's head with his forefinger. After a moment, he smiled, just in the corners of his mouth. "Take what you want with both hands, Akira. If it slips through your fingers before you even try to attain it, you will regret it."

He walked calmly out of the room, his hands folded into his sleeves.

Akira considered the board. White had a chance. He didn't see it. Hikaru would, because Hikaru played from his heart, played with the conviction that there was always a way, that there was a power to each stone.

Akira smiled gently, and placed his stone.

Hikaru would find a way, but that was no reason to wait for him. He wanted to walk this path... not just to the Divine Move, but this entire path, side by side with Hikaru.

shishi-odoshi = those nifty bamboo dealies that fill with water and knock and make that cool noise. they are deer scarers, apparently.