title: Oral Sex and Tears Taste Kinda the Same
fandom: Hikaru no Go
characters/pairings: Ashiwara/OMCs, Saeki
rating: Mature
warnings: prostitution, oral sex, threesome, bondage play
summary: There are different ways to let off steam.
notes: images used are street photos of Tokyo, found on google image search, manipulated by the author.

He had stolen his mother's eyeliner a long time ago. It was a nice one, from a designer brand, so he had felt guilty when she had been frantically looking for it. However, she just went out and bought another one. Since then, he had mastered the art of applying it so that his eyes looked bigger and brighter, but it didn't look too noticeable. He really wanted to steal a lipstick, though. He wanted to see what his lips looked like if they were painted. He wanted to see what they would look like when he was giving head, but... he wouldn't really be able to see it himself, would he?

He finished with his eyes, and hid the eyeliner. He ran his fingers through his hair one last time. He was already starting to get a bit jittery. He'd done this dozens of times, literally, but it still felt like a grand heist at a casino or something, at least to his heart.

Dozens of times later, and he still wasn't used to being bad.

He'd prepared for this by telling his mother that he was tired from that day's pro exam match, so he was going to go to bed early. His mother was in the habit of spending her evenings that she was at home with a good book or a drama. She would drink two or three glasses of wine, and then go to bed. He had brought her wine bottle and glass when he said good night to her, hoping she was would start drinking. He stopped to give himself a head-to-toe once over. He felt his pockets, making sure. Key and ID were in the inner, zippered pocket he'd added to these jeans. His train card and a little cash was in his regular pocket. It felt weird wearing these jeans - which his mother had bought, and which were a bit stiff - without underwear, but that was better than having to deal with unnecessary layers later. He took a few of his old stuffed animals and padded his bed, just in case. He didn't think his mother would be inclined to check on him, but it was better to be safe, right?

He opened his bedroom door only a tiny crack, and listened. The radio was playing downstairs, and the rest of the upstairs was still dark. Good. He slipped out and closed the door behind him slowly, and then crept to the stairs. He had mastered the art of finding just the right place on each step so as not to make a sound. At this point, it was second nature to him, but before his first escape, he'd practiced in the afternoon while his mother was at work. Once he was downstairs, he stayed close to the wall until he came to where the entryway to the living room was.

The glass of wine had only a tiny bit left in it, but there was no way to tell if that was her first or third. Besides the radio, though, it was silent. He took a deep breath and then zoomed past the entryway, making a bee-line for the kitchen. He paused once inside, listening carefully, but there was no noise to indicate he had bothered his mother.

Good, good. One last hurdle...

The door from the kitchen to the modest backyard was not the quietest, but it was his only option. By carefully lifting as he turned the handle, he could swing it open just enough to slip through, but he couldn't go too slowly, because a noise from outside might alert his mother. Once outside, too, he had to take the time to lock the door again. Once that was done, he hurried to the small gate at the back fence. He was less concerned about noise now, and wearing a black long sleeved t-shirt and dark jeans, he wasn't even that concerned with being seen. He just had to get out. He latched the gate behind him, and took a deep breath, and then practically sprinted for the road.

Ashiwara Hiroyuki was, once again, free.

His heart was still pounding when he got to the station, but the nervousness about getting caught was bleeding into the excitement about what he was doing.

He had to make one transfer to get from the Asakusa line to the Shinjuku line, so about a half-hour of traveling all together. Most of the people were heading home, because it was getting close to the last train. That was fine with Ashiwara. The next day was Sunday, so his mother would typically sleep in, at least late enough for him to come home on the first train.

He got off at Shinjuku-gyoenmae.

He'd first been here two years ago, when he was only fifteen. It had been, to that point in his life, the scariest thing he'd ever done. Even scarier than the time he told Ogata-san that he was wrong in a study session. He'd been reading about Ni-chome, though, and he just had to see it for himself. It sounded like something out of a fantasy story to him at the time, as if a place in the world could really exist where men who were all the same - in a way - would gather. He still felt the same way now that he did back then, that if he was stepping out of the real world into some kind of fantasy, then he belonged in the fantasy. Stress, insecurity, anxiety... they all transmuted to something else.

Of course, that first time, he'd been like a rabbit wandering into a wolves' den. He didn't even manage to get inside a club or a cafe before he'd been hit on, and he'd ended up in an alley, his clothes crumpled up at his feet, holding onto a dumpster while some guy fucked him. Men passing by stopped to watch and give pointers. It had been totally humiliating, and completely liberating.

Nowadays, though, he knew better how to carry himself as he walked down the streets, he knew where he was going, and he knew how to deal with wandering hands. He made his way to the back door of a club that specialized in catering to men who liked younger partners. He knocked on the back door, twice in succession, then twice slowly, then once more. It opened, and the bouncer gave him a once over, and then let him inside.

Ashiwara quickly took off his shirt, and stuffed the top part into his back pocket. He wished his jeans weren't quite so crisp, clean, and spiffy, but it wasn't as if his mother would allow him to own anything wrinkled, much less weathered and faded. While he was wishing for things, he also wished he had a more toned body, and maybe broader shoulders.

The club was a long, thin strip. On one side, there was the bar, manned by a few mama-types. On the other side, there were a series of small alcoves, like booths but without tables. Some of the alcoves had beaded curtains for a sense of privacy, and others didn't bother. In between, about a dozen or so boys like Ashiwara wandered, catching the eyes of the men at the bar. It was expected at a place like this that the transactions were paid for in cash, which simplified things, Ashiwara discovered. There was much less chance of clinging, requests for his number, or attempts to extend the life of the encounter if it was a mutually agreed upon financial decision.

It took him less than five minutes to secure his first 'customer,' a slightly balding but otherwise good-looking man with long, slender fingers. Ashiwara allowed him a few kisses before he gave his price for a blow job. The man quickly agreed and handed over the money, so they found an empty alcove, the man greedily grabbing for more kisses. It just made Ashiwara's mouth water for the real deal, though. Once he got the man backed in and seated, he got to his knees and opened the man's pants. Just like his fingers, the man's cock was long and slender, and perfectly straight. Actually, it was rather pretty, with a nice smell, too.

Ashiwara had been told at times that his price was too low, which he considered a compliment to his technique. He'd probably done this about fifty to hundred times by now, so he guessed he was pretty used to it, but every cock was different. It was amazing to him, though, how much he loved this whole process. Kissing, licking, and teasing, until it got hard enough to change color and shape. Then, he could suck it in, and really get to work. Sometimes, he'd take up to fifteen minutes to get a guy off. Sometimes, he did it quick and dirty. Sometimes, he pulled back before the guy came, and sometimes, he let it hit the back of his throat.

When he was done with the first man, his eyes looked glassy and he was smiling, so Ashiwara figured he'd done his job. He licked his lips clean and slipped back out of the alcove, looking to get another. The second man was a lot rougher, and stuck his hand down the back of Ashiwara's pants, squeezing his ass. He wanted a price for a ride, but Ashiwara flirted and worked him over, getting the money for the blow job. He was just as rough, though, in the alcove, grabbing onto Ashiwara's ears, essentially fucking him in the mouth. He had no choice, then, but to swallow hard when the man came in the back of his throat, and before Ashiwara could recover, he was being hefted up for a deep, penetrating kiss. The guy started to open Ashiwara's pants, but he wasn't about to give away a freebie, and that cock was much too small, anyway. He got leverage and pulled away.

At this point, though, he was feeling a bit drunk from the feeling of being desired, and he was half-hard himself. It made him feel sexier and more confident, so he got bolder. He caught the eye of a fine-looking man at the bar. He was tall and lean, and his dyed hair and body type reminded Ashiwara of...

But Ashiwara didn't want to think about a friend at that moment.

They tumbled into an open alcove, and Ashiwara opened the man's pants to find one gorgeous, thick cock waiting for him. He used all his best techniques, all his favorite moves. He breathed heavily on the cock before he took it in, he gently played with the man's balls while nibbling on the tip. The first time the man was about to come, he squeezed the base, drawing it out. All the while, the man had his hands on Ashiwara's shoulders, touching him in the way Ashiwara liked best during oral. He tried to hold it back the second time, too, but the man pulled his hands away, so Ashiwara pulled up enough to take the man's come on his tongue.


The man guided him up into his lap, and they kissed, long and deep until the taste of semen was diluted by the taste of a kiss. Ashiwara was more than willing to go along with this man, so when his pants were opened and a hand slipped down the back, he just groaned and made kitten-eyes.

"What do you say? How much to go back here? Assuming, of course, you can get me up again," the man grinned, challenging.

Ashiwara was confident. He slowly opened the man's shirt, nipping a little at the man's nipple as he gave his price. Again, it was probably rather low, but that wasn't what mattered. He just needed it to be a transaction. He was nearly back on his knees when he looked up at the man, licking his lips. "Only if you use a condom, though."

Each alcove had some supplies, so that wasn't a problem, but a lot of guys didn't want to be bothered. Setting everything else aside, Ashiwara didn't want to spend the rest of the night with his ass dripping. The man handed him a condom, and he grinned, getting back to work. It really only took grazing his teeth over the man's balls to get him going again, and then he slowly and lovingly sheathed the man's cock. His own pants hit the floor and he got pulled into another kiss. This man was good. He slipped off one shoe and pant leg so he could be a bit freer, and he let the man position him as he worked his hole with oiled fingers.

"It seems like a shame to leave such a talented mouth empty."

He looked over to see one of the gawkers leaning in a bit. The man was shorter than the guy currently working him, but thinner, with chin-length hair that half covered his face, and glasses. He was good-looking, in a sexy professor sort of way.

"I'm done with that half," the man said good-naturedly, "but it's his call." He massaged Ashiwara's nipple as he spoke, so Ashiwara could only gasp and nod. His current customer listed his price for the blow job to the new guy, and the new guy sat down opposite to them, and opened his pants.

Ashiwara's heart was pounding.

"Hey, can I borrow your belt?" his current customer asked, conversationally. "I think this'll make things easier."

With widened eyes, Ashiwara watched as the new guy passed his belt over. He started to object, but then the new guy lifted his chin and stole a kiss. His arms were pulled back and held together, the leather of the belt wrapping tightly around them. He was then pushed forward, right into the new guy's crotch, as he was held into position by the strap holding his arms.

"Yeah, this is gonna work great," his current customer purred.

The new guy's cock was already standing at attention, so Ashiwara quickly wrapped his lips around it. It happened suddenly, but it would seem sudden no matter when it happened. The man behind him shoved his way past Ashiwara's opening, and he was pushed down until his nose was nestled in the new guy's hair.

He just had to remember to breathe.

New guy massaged his head and caressed his ears as the man pounded into him, pulling him back and forth over the new guy's cock. Ashiwara was beyond the point of technique. He just kept his lips in contact with the cock and let the man behind him do all the work. He came first, and hard, but even after he came, the man behind him kept riding him, even after the new guy came, flooding Ashiwara's mouth before he could think to swallow, the man behind him kept moving, in and out and back and forth, until finally, finally, he grunted, and slumped back.

Ashiwara was boneless. He was pulled back up, and his cheek caressed. He had come spilling out over his chin. Someone licked his face, and someone licked his cheek. "He's so damned pretty with spunk on his face like this." The three of them were kissing, and it was awkward and wet, with Ashiwara able to do little more than just let it happen.

It was decided to go another round, switching roles. They didn't bother to unbind Ashiwara's arms in between. That time, he was barely aware of what he was doing or what was being done to him, but he did enjoy watching the two men kiss as the man put a condom on the new guy. The second time didn't last as long but when he came that time, he couldn't help crying out.

When they freed his arms, he felt like they'd been filled with helium. They were numb and hard to move around, so someone, an onlooker, he thought, helped him pull his pants back up. Someone was grabbing him by the waist, too, asking for a go at it, but he pulled away, somehow, and made his way to the bathroom in the back. He was shaking as he splashed cold water on his face. He looked in the mirror.

His lips were cherry-red from overuse. His nipples were still hard and pointing, and his skin looked flushed, and there were marks on his chest, from hands and from teeth. He just had to remember to breathe, right? Pleasure could be a drug. It didn't matter if he had basically no friends at his stuck-up school. It didn't matter that he didn't really seem to belong in Touya-sensei's study group. It didn't matter if he was probably going to end up disappointing his mother.

He liked being gay.

He put his shirt on, and slipped out of the club. He wasn't sure what time it was, but it didn't matter. He was suddenly ravenously hungry, so he went to a bar near the station, and ate and drank a bit, grateful that no one cared if he was of age or not. The beer tasted good after all those salty snacks, he thought to himself. He flirted with a college student and even exchanged a few gropes, but he left when it was about time for the first train without giving the guy his number.

He had another match that afternoon. It suddenly seemed like a very, very bad idea to spend all night out, having sex and drinking, even if it was just one beer. Still, the train ride home was long enough to let the haze of sex and the mild buzz melt away, and the morning air was enough to wake him sufficiently to remind him that he had to sneak back into the house.

Sneaking back in, though, was always easier than sneaking out. His mother was definitely asleep now, and he had his key. He didn't have to worry about being fast, he just had to be quiet. In the living room, the empty wine bottle and glass were still sitting there, but the house was completely silent. He came up the stairs in the reverse pattern as he'd come down, and slipped into his bedroom, which was exactly as he'd left it.

He pulled off his shirt, and then started to empty his pockets. He had significantly more money now than he did before. He kept all these 'earnings' in a jar in his bookcase. He'd never really figured out what he should do with it, since it was money he got... well... for sex, so. It was weird, just thinking of spending it. It was also weird that the jar was nearly full.

He closed the jar, and shoved it back, pulling forward a book on endgame technique to partially obscure it. He was a go player, after all. Not a...

He took off his jeans, and shoved them and his shirt on the bottom of his dirty laundry. He mostly did the laundry in the house, but if his mom got bored today, she might do a load for herself, and if she needed to fill it up, she might come looking here. He didn't want her to question any of his stains, or smells. He went to the bathroom, and then quietly took a shower. He really ought to get some sleep, but after brushing his teeth, he sat down to study some of Touya-sensei's kifu.

He would just get an energy drink later.

It was a good thing that the pro exam was at the Go Study Center, and not at the Institute. There was no place like this to hide in the Institute. Ashiwara hugged himself tightly, trying to make himself as small as he felt, and leaned against the wall. Outside, it was raining. It was pouring, actually, which was good, because it was all Ashiwara could do to keep his sobs stifled as the tears streamed down his cheeks. Across the street, a small group of middle school girls were going home, laughing and huddling under umbrellas together. Ashiwara should have just gone to school today. A forfeit would have been better than that.

He crouched in the side doorway, and tried to think of a reason not to hate himself. That was just pathetic, and now he had five losses. He could just hear Ogata-san laughing. Ashiwara was sure that tomorrow at the study session, Ogata-san would helpfully remind Ashiwara that he passed the pro exam on his second try, and wasn't this Ashiwara's fourth try? And Ogata-san passed with just two losses. Touya-sensei, too, had passed when he was only fourteen, with just one loss.

Ashiwara didn't belong in Touya-sensei's group, and he knew it. His loss today was proof, wasn't it? He was used to playing Takahashi-kun, and he could usually beat him, even. He'd gotten a good night's sleep the night before. There was no excuse. Akira-kun would cheerfully be able to point out all his errors. Ashiwara hunched a bit further, and tried to calm himself down. When he sniffled a bit, his tears even spilled into his mouth. He tried taking a few deep breaths.

Yeah... just had to remember to breathe or something, right?

Something cold pressed against his cheek. He jerked and looked up.

His heart fell. As if things couldn't get any worse... Saeki-kun was looking up at the ceiling, but he was holding a can of juice right to Ashiwara's cheek. He... he saw Ashiwara crying. Ashiwara had been caught by the person he'd least like to show his weak, pathetic side to, the person he most wanted to think well of him.

He wiped his cheeks quickly with his sleeve and took the can, swallowing several times before he could mutter out a "Thanks."

Saeki-kun sort of nodded, and sipped his own juice. "Man, it's really coming down. Did you bring an umbrella?"

Ashiwara looked outside at the rain pouring down on the street. He wanted to say something, just talk like a normal human being, but he couldn't quite manage it.

"Tanaka-san lost today, too," Saeki-kun said quietly. "So, no one is going to pass this year with less than three losses."

Ashiwara sort of gaped at him, which wasn't good for several reasons. First of all, no one ever, ever looked cool while gaping, and Ashiwara could barely look cool in front of Saeki-kun when he wasn't gaping. But also, he was sitting and Saeki-kun was leaning - beautifully - against the wall, which put his eyes right at Saeki-kun's... And Saeki-kun wasn't like Ashiwara, just like 90% of the planet wasn't like Ashiwara. Saeki-kun would not want Ashiwara thinking about his... his cock, and the things Ashiwara wanted to do with it, and how it would taste...

No! He couldn't think like that! Saeki-kun had just taken pity on him... pity! He should be feeling too ashamed to be thinking vulgar things like that!

Ashiwara stared straight ahead and sipped his juice, his hand shaking a little bit.

Saeki-kun sighed, and crouched down to sit on the stoop with Ashiwara. "We've still got a long ways to go. We have to think more positively. I think that's what Morishita-sensei would say. After he was done yelling at me for being a moron." Saeki-kun snuck a quick glance at Ashiwara, smiling shyly.

Ashiwara's heart stopped beating for a second.

He smiled a bit, and sipped his juice. "Touya-sensei... I've never heard Touya-sensei yell. I don't know if he can. I can't picture it at all. But he does sigh. I'd rather be yelled at."

"Don't be so sure!" Saeki-kun grinned. "It's loud!"

Ashiwara was smiling goofily at his juice now. For a crazy moment, he started to think... well, this was nice of Saeki-kun. And. They were nearly the same age, and they were just about the same level. And. It was just nice, right now. Ashiwara knew why all the insei girls were always trying to get Saeki-kun to go do things with them and were always asking if he had a girlfriend. He pretty much had to have a girlfriend, right? He was so good-looking, and calm, and easy-going. He smiled easily, and made jokes to make people comfortable. He even bought his competition drinks and tried to cheer them up. He was just... really really cool. And.

They were... friends, right? He was... kind of special to Saeki-kun.

Not special like... Ashiwara knew that they were just different, but they were friends, right? Saeki-kun always sort of kept himself apart from everyone else. He made jokes and smiled and stuff, but he never went places with other insei and he didn't really get close to anyone. In their group, Ashiwara was the one he was closest to, right?

Ashiwara... wanted to believe it.

"Hey." Saeki-kun punched him in the shoulder. "You know we're going to make it, right? Just. You gotta know that. We're going to make it."

Ashiwara looked at Saeki-kun. He was looking straight ahead, and Ashiwara realized that he was convincing himself as much as he was Ashiwara. Weakly, Ashiwara returned Saeki-kun's punch, but it was so damned... well, limp-wristed, like a damned stereotype. Ashiwara blushed, and nodded. "Heck yeah. We will. Definitely! We have... thousands of games ahead of us!"

"Yeah, that's right," Saeki-kun smiled at him.

His heart stopped beating again.

"We will make it," Saeki-kun affirmed, and then he downed the rest of his juice.

Ashiwara wasn't sure if he believed he'd do it, at least maybe not this year. But he would. He had to, because. Because.

Because someday, Ogata-san wouldn't be able to laugh at him anymore. And.

Twenty, even thirty years from now, he and Saeki-kun would still be able to share a drink, and play go together.

"That's better," Saeki-kun grinned. "When you're all mopey and depressed, it's scary. You're usually so chipper," he teased.

A thousand things flashed through Ashiwara's mind, and he could suddenly hear his mother's voice. Smile, no matter what you're feeling inside. Don't let anyone else see if you're hurting. No matter what anyone says to you... no matter what they do. Even if you fall on your damned face, just get up again and smile. You can't let anyone look down on you, Hiroyuki. As long as you smile and laugh, they'll get tired of saying things about you. As long as you smile, you can get through anything. It didn't always feel like good advice. Sometimes, it felt like he'd burst from the effort. But that was when he just had to let off steam, because, really, she was right.

He grinned goofily, and punched Saeki-kun again, harder. "Don't blame your bad mood on me. We're playing each other next week. I'm not going to lose again!" he declared.

"Oh?" Saeki-kun smirked, and raised an eyebrow. "Well, neither am I!"

Ashiwara broke out into a huge smile.

He had thousands of games ahead of him... hundreds against Saeki.

They were going to make it.