title: needless
fandom: Hikaru no Go
characters/pairings: Waya/Isumi, Shindou/Touya
rating: G
warnings: Waya pining
summary: Waya is worried about something.
notes: written for the blind go challenge.
also, *sighs* there are some pathological problems with perspective here that for a few reasons (only some of which are related to the challenge deadline etc) i didn't resolve, so apologies in advance, and i hope it's not too jarring. additionally, i struggled with whether to refer to Hikaru as Hikaru or Shindou in the prose and i'm not sure going with Shindou was the right thing to do, but leaving it as Hikaru didn't seem right, either, so. =/
in other words, i know this isn't my best work, and i'm sorry. ~_~

Isumi was the type to finish packing for a trip at least a week before he needed to leave. Every time Waya passed the three small suitcases, neatly lined up near the door, his heart would drop a little more. Isumi was really excited about his trip to China, too, and he made Waya teach him a bit about instant messenger programs so he could talk to his friend in China.

The taller, older one who looked after Isumi when he was there before.

Waya didn't see why he had to go back. Sure, the go in China was good... they all knew that. But there was plenty to do right in Japan! And even if Touya-sensei was going, too... it was a great opportunity...

It was driving Waya crazy.

There were seven days until Isumi was leaving. He'd be gone for two weeks, unless he changed his mind and stayed longer. That tall guy had already assured Isumi the use of a couch if he chose to stick around. Isumi told people that, laughing. Everyone in their study group was jealous. They wanted to go instead of Isumi.

Waya wished that any one of them were going instead.

He made breakfast that morning, which was unusual enough, because generally, they just had energy bars in the morning. And to say he 'made' breakfast... he heated packaged miso soup, reheated the rice they got from the convenience store the night before, and he opened up a package of smoked fish.

Still. It was a bachelor's version of the traditional breakfast.

Isumi came back from the bath, and grinned as he watched Waya set out the dishes right on the tatami mat. "What is this? Is it a special occasion?"

Waya blushed, and ducked his head down. "It's just breakfast. We had all the makings... don't get used to it!"

Isumi patted him on the head. "Don't worry, I won't. I'll be right back," he promised, disappearing to get dressed.

Waya smoothed his hair down where Isumi touched him... He loved being patted by Isumi, even if... it just made him feel young, too. Isumi was a lot older than him, and gestures like that just emphasized it. In China, Isumi had a friend who was older than him, and who took care of him the way Isumi took care of Waya. He also had a little brat that he thought of as a younger version of Waya who would hang off of him.

On both sides, he felt, he was getting beat.

Isumi reappeared, wearing a purple t-shirt and jeans. He kneeled down across from Waya, and bowed shortly. "Thanks for the meal."

Waya bowed, too, and he ate like he always did, but he watched Isumi. He'd been feeling it since Isumi first mentioned going to China. It started as an odd, irritating itch in the back of his head. He told Isumi that he didn't think Isumi should go, but that didn't deter Isumi at all.

He was going to go, no matter what Waya thought.

He watched Isumi eat, watched his mouth, and he watched his throat. It was just stupid fear. Stupid jealousy. He couldn't even tell Isumi what he was thinking, because it would be the same as saying he didn't trust Isumi.

He couldn't say that.

"Waya," Isumi said. "No matter how long you stare at your rice bowl, it's not going to give you more rice. Come on. We have matches."

Waya nodded, clearing up his dishes. "I know, I know." He got his bag, and his jacket. Isumi stopped him as he was putting on his shoes, and ran his fingers through Waya's hair, straightening it out. He kissed Waya's nose, and winked at him.

He was being stupid. Just because Isumi was going to China, that didn't mean that anything was going to happen.

He just had to have more faith.

The day that Isumi was due to leave was hectic. Waya thought they'd have a chance to talk, but it wasn't going to happen. Isumi had to make a quick run out to the convenience store, but then he remembered one other thing that he forgot, and then his mother dropped in, and she was going to give Isumi a ride, but he convinced her that they were fine; after all, he had to go to the Go Institute anyway.

Waya took one of Isumi's bags. The train was crowded, so they didn't really get a chance to talk. He pressed himself to Isumi's back, breathing deeply so he could relish Isumi's scent.

His heart was pounding, and he felt on the verge of tears. How stupid! He could kick himself. But, no matter how he'd tried and tried, instead of his anxieties lessening, he was becoming more and more convinced that Isumi would never be returning to him.

Isumi's parents weren't too happy that he had moved in with Waya to begin with; it was their opinion that if Isumi was ready to move on and be independent, he should be living on his own, in a much nicer place than Waya's. He was a pro, after all, wasn't he? Couldn't he afford his own living expenses? What did he need a roommate for? Instead of a roommate, they wanted him to have a wife. His mother was already trying to arrange omiai for him.

He should get married, too. He was attractive, and he had a good job. It was an unusual job, but it was a good one. He was doing well. His family was modest, but certainly nothing to be ashamed of, and he'd gone to a good high school. He was a good prospect, and so he'd be able to marry a decent, sweet, cute girl, and have beautiful babies.

If Isumi really didn't want that, then the best possible thing he could do would be to move to China. The go world there was larger, and at a better pace. He could live as he wanted, and his parents wouldn't be able to interfere. If he left like this, he wouldn't even have to break up with Waya. He could just leave him.

"Waya?" Isumi tugged on his arm. "C'mon, this is our stop."

He followed Isumi, watching his back, feeling like he was walking to his death sentence. How long had he been following Isumi? When they first met, Waya was still a little brat. Well, more of one. He acted snooty around Isumi and teased him. But then they played together. Sitting across the goban from him, Waya felt like he was seeing someone new, someone far above him, someone dazzling. Even if he made pro first, even if he could sometimes beat Isumi now, he still felt the same way.

Isumi was always someone new, always someone surprising, always someone interesting, always someone far above him, always someone dazzling.

Isumi turned the corner to go to the Go Institute, but Waya couldn't make his feet move any more. The closer they got, the closer they got to the point where they would say goodbye. He had thought about sneaking Isumi's passport away so that when he got to the airport, he wouldn't be able to travel. He didn't, because he thought Isumi would definitely get mad at him, but now, he thought, maybe, he'd made a mistake. Isumi being mad at him would be better than Isumi leaving him forever.

"Waya?" Isumi asked, his tone a perfect blend of concern and annoyance. "We don't have a lot of time. What's going on?"

Waya looked up at Isumi, looked into his eyes, and he bit his lip. He threw his arms around Isumi, and pressed his face to Isumi's chest.

"W-Waya?" Isumi asked, patting his back awkwardly. They both had too many bags. It was all so cumbersome. "Is everything ok?"

"Hurry back," Waya asked. He could keep his voice from shaking if he just said that much, and no more. He didn't want to cry in front of Isumi, not like this. He hated being such a child.

"Hey, hey," Isumi chuckled. "It's just two weeks. Don't tell me that you miss me already?" He smiled, and leaned back, lifting Waya's chin. Quickly, he brushed his lips over Waya's. "It's just two weeks, Yoshitaka. I'll be back before you know it."

Waya nodded, and he even made himself smile for Isumi. If this was what Isumi wanted... They walked over to the Go Institute, and inside, Isumi instantly met up with his group. Waya hung back, and just waved goodbye.

Shindou and that Touya were there, and other people, too. Waya ducked away, though, as soon as he could. He had a study session with Shindou and Honda and some others, but he just went home. He held it all in until he got home. He put his face down on the pillow that Isumi had slept on the night before, and he cried like a child. He hated himself completely, but he kept crying and crying until he fell asleep.

Touya inched closer to Shindou in their kitchen, his eyes on Waya, who was slouching on the couch, and staring at the wall. "Hikaru. He's..."

"I know," Shindou sighed. "Just bear it for a while, ok? He's been really gloomy lately. We have to be good friends. And. You know." He shrugged, looking worriedly over at Waya.

"He's not my friend," Touya pointed out quietly, finishing up the dishes from dinner. "Maybe I should leave you two..."

"No way," Shindou hissed. "You're not leaving me alone with him! Besides, it's just a little more, and then we'll get him a cab. Please?"

Touya tried not to look at Shindou, because he knew Shindou would be making that sweet, pathetic, helpless face, and then Touya would feel obligated to give in. He stared down at the plate in his hand... He sighed heavily, and looked Shindou in the eye. "He doesn't even like me," he petulantly said, but he put the dish on the dry rack, wiped his hands clean, and went out to the living room to sit with Waya.

Shindou happily followed Touya, and sat down next to Waya. He slapped Waya on the shoulder, nearly tossing him off the couch. "So, Waya! What have you been up to since Isumi-san went to China? Must be nice to have that small apartment back to yourself, mm?"

Waya's shoulders slumped, and he hung his head down. "It is too small, isn't it?"

Shindou looked at Touya, panicked. Touya leaned forward, stuttering. "Ah, well, no, I mean, that is, actually, ah, your match today, how did that go?" Shindou beamed, leaning forward, interested. This was a good change of subject, he thought.

Waya hung his head even lower, and groaned, grabbing fistfuls of hair. "I lost! I totally lost! At this rate, Honda will be 3-dan before me!"

Shindou and Touya looked at each other nervously. This wasn't good. Shindou cleared his throat. "Ah. Um. Well, that's too bad, but you know, you win some, you lose, ah. So, have you heard from Isumi-san since he left?"

Well, that was definitely the wrong thing to say, because Waya just groaned loudly, and put his head between his legs. Concerned that Waya might start to do something antisocial in his living room, Touya quickly scooted the floor, and pulled out the goban. "Let's have a game right now! We can play minute go, ah, and since there are three of us, let's just play in round. You know, we each take turns playing, so we'll all be playing both black and white, depending on whose turn it is."

"Oh!" Shindou scooted down, too. "That's a good idea, Akira! Come on, Waya, let's play!" All the world's troubles could be solved with games, as far as Shindou was concerned.

Sluggishly, Waya plopped down on the floor next to them, looking forlornly at the goban. "Are you sure I won't just slow you two down?" He sighed heavily, and put his chin in his hand.

Shindou and Touya shared a look, but then they began to play.

They played seriously, not taking the time to really think through the moves. Touya's idea was genius, because they had to work both sides of the board, and they weren't in control of the shape entirely. It was a great exercise to consider critical areas of the board.

Also, the way Waya was moaning and sighing, it was also a test of focus.

"Hey, Touya," Waya coughed, ducking his head. He hated to speak to Touya directly if he could help it. "Have you heard from your dad since he went to China this time?"

Touya's mouth twisted in that way that he did when he was annoyed because someone was interrupting go, but he was too polite to tell the person to shut the hell up. "No. But he doesn't usually contact us unless he has something critical to say."

"Oh," Waya replied, slumping his shoulders.

"It's your turn," Shindou reminded him helpfully.

Waya crumpled up, his head dropping on the goban, sending stones flying.

Touya jumped back, and then he glared at Shindou. He got up, dusting off his pants, and stomped meaningfully to the bedroom.

Shindou sighed deeply. "Waya! Just what's going on with you? I've never seen you so morose before. Don't you think you're being a bit weird about all this? Just what do you think Isumi-san's doing in China?"

Waya covered his face with his hands. "I don't want to think about it. Every time I think about it, I feel like my head is going to explode and my heart is going to sink down and fall out."

This was worse then he thought. And also, Waya was rubbing his face into the goban. That couldn't be good for anything. "Why don't you go home and get some rest. Maybe if you just tried to put it out of your mind..."

"I can't!" Waya wailed. "I think about him constantly when I'm home. And even more when I'm out! And I can't sleep at all! And I just get sick when I eat!"

"We had lunch together today!" Shindou objected. "And you stole my melon slices!"

"Well, a guy has to eat!" Waya hotly returned. "But I still felt sick after eating it!"

Shindou slapped his face, and fell back on the floor. "You're hopeless, you know that?"

"I know," Waya groused. "So just shut up already."

Shindou sighed. "So. Uh. You want to stay here until Isumi-san comes back?"

"With that Touya?" Waya asked dubiously, looking up at the bedroom door.

"He does live here," Shindou warned him.

"Yeah," Waya sighed. "Ok. Sorry. I'd... I'd appreciate that. Thank you."

Shindou got up, and went to the tiny hall closet, to get out the extra blankets and pillows. "It's no problem. But you gotta get yourself together, man. Isumi-san will be back in five days. It was only a two-week trip. If you are both playing go, and doing things to support your own careers, you might be separated for a lot longer than that at times again."

"I know," Waya bit his lip. "It's just."

Shindou got on his knees, and started to pick up the stones, patiently waiting for Waya to say whatever he was going to say. Assuming he was going to say it.

"I wonder if he really is coming back," Waya muttered.

After a moment's pause, Shindou flicked a stone at Waya's face. Waya objected, pouting, and Shindou laughed. "I'm going to tell Isumi-san you made a face like that when he gets back. We're going to laugh and laugh and laugh..." Shindou stuck his tongue out at Waya.

Waya turned red, and then lunged for Shindou, too embarrassed and annoyed and afraid to say anything. Shindou dodged him, and they ended up knocking the coffee table aside. They rolled around a little on the floor, giggling and squirming together.

Touya flung open the door to the bedroom. He stood in the doorway, his hands on his hips, which would have looked more intimidating if he wasn't wearing his go pajamas that night. "Just what is going on here?" he hissed.

"Eh, heh, heh, sorry, Akira," Shindou apologized quickly. "Er. We just. Well. Sorry! But. Um. Waya's going to stay here for a few nights, if that's ok?"

Touya looked from Shindou to Waya and back again. "Whatever. But we have neighbors, Shindou. If you two are going to sleep, then sleep. If you want to wrestle, then go out to a love hotel." He turned on his heel, and slammed the door shut.

Shindou and Waya looked at each other, and then covered their mouths to hold in their laughter. "What do you think, Waya?" Shindou snickered. "Should we go out and finally resolve all this sexual tension between us?"

Waya nearly fell over laughing. "Let's do it. And let's take your boyfriend's wallet to pay for it."

They both fell over again, trying not to laugh out loud, but only able to control it a little bit because of the force of their laughter.

Waya had sent Isumi eighteen text messages since he landed. Isumi wouldn't let Waya meet him at the airport, because he said that it was too much of a nuisance for Waya, but Waya insisted that he meet Isumi at the station. He bounced back and forth, from foot to foot, leaning forward to watch for trains.

It seemed like no less than twenty trains passed by, but finally, one came in, and when the doors opened, Isumi emerged, burdened with all his bags. Despite the flow of traffic, Waya surged forward, and grabbed the two largest bags from Isumi. "Welcome home, Isumi-san!"

Isumi shook his head, and patted Waya playfully. "We're not quite home yet, Waya. Really, you didn't have to come all this way."

"Yes," Touya replied flatly. He was standing back, staring daggers at Waya's back. "He did."

Next to Touya, Shindou was standing, looking sheepish. "Hey, Isumi-san. Hope you had a good trip."

"We've delivered him back to your care," Touya growled. "Make sure you look after him."

"Hey!" Waya complained. "Shut up!"

"Good luck," Shindou offered Isumi, and then he grabbed Touya's collar, and dragged him off.

Isumi stared after them, confused. "What was that all about?" he wondered.

"They're idiots," Waya grumbled, ducking his head down to hide his blush.

"Yoshitaka?" Isumi asked quietly. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine," he lifted his head, smiling bravely. "You're back, so." He blushed. He wanted to use Isumi's given name, but...

Isumi shook his head, and put his arm around Waya's neck, pulling him close to kiss the top of Waya's head. From an outsider's perspective, it might look like an older brother giving his younger brother a hard time, but to Waya, it meant a lot.

"Come on. Let's get home, and then you can show me how happy you really are that I'm back," Isumi promised, winking.

Waya felt his body heat up, from his skin, all the way to the marrow of his bones. It felt good, for the first time in a long time. "You'd better prepare yourself, Isumi-san. Because I'm really happy!"

"Oy!" Isumi complained, but he didn't appear to be the least bit displeased.