title: Heero's Joke
fandom: Gundam Wing
characters/pairings: Heero/Duo, Trowa, Quatre, Wu Fei
rating: G
warnings: some language, heero trying to be funny
summary: Heero tells a joke.
notes: for jo, for her request on fic on demand. little bugger jumped up and took hold fast...

No one had told him that peace would mean that he would have to do fifty metric tons of paperwork everyday, and it was probably just as well, because if they had, he might have... Well, he'd had plenty of opportunities to shoot J in the back of the head. He hadn't, because of J's amusing "When I was your age... Well, maybe a little older..." stories, but he could have lived without them.

And there was no parking in front of their building, which wasn't unusual, but still. Today, he would have loved parking in front of their building. Today, he would have considered drinking the blood of the innocent for parking in front of their building, as long as that 'innocence' could have been verified first, and maybe cooked just enough to be really sure.

He opened the door to their apartment, and he damned near closed it again right away. He bit back a sigh. Of course, it was Monday, so that meant 'the guys' were over. Heero loved the guys. No, actually, he didn't. He only loved one guy, the one in the middle of the couch, flanked by Trowa on the left and Wu Fei on the right, and Heero was pretty sure Trowa had designs on Duo's braid, damn it.

This was not a good day.

Duo gave him that look. That 'stuff it, Yuy, we'll talk about it later, this is what we're doing now' look. Heero objected to that look on principle.

Quatre looked back and forth between Duo and Heero. "Ah, Heero, we're sorry, is this a bad day to...?"

"Forget it, Q," Duo smiled, staring straight at Heero. "It's all good, right?"

Fine. Fine. Then... fine. Heero locked the door and then sighed dramatically. "It's... maybe this is better. You are all like family to us, and... I can't hide this anymore. Duo, I'm pregnant."

They all just stared at him.

"Heero," Duo began.

Heero made a noise that was just like choking back a sob. "I know this is difficult to hear, and I tried to warn you, but... Remember when I told you about the treatments and therapies Dr. J put me through to 'increase performance'? And remember when I mentioned that there were some... side effects?"

Wu Fei turned purple, and started to hack up a lung on their carpet. Trowa was so still and blank, a slightly melted wax figure would have looked more life-like. Quatre was sputtering, saying something about 'Well, that's... congratulations' or 'Oh, my...'

Duo was staring at him, his jaw slack, looking increasingly sicker by the second. "Preg... nant?"

Heero covered his face with his hand, and took off to the bedroom. He did manage to get out an "I knew you wouldn't understand!" before he slammed the door.

Paperwork schmaperwork. That made his fucking year!

Contrary to popular belief, Heero did have a sense of humor. It was just that, whenever he made a joke, Duo tended to hit him on the arm or something of the ilk. Duo was the one with no sense of humor. So, Heero held his tongue more often than not. But this... this was priceless. If only he'd gotten it on film...!

They were talking in faux hushed tones, trying to comfort Duo. Quatre was practically in tears, beseeching Duo to go in and talk to 'that poor boy, he must be so scared!' Duo was stammering.

This was the funniest thing ever. Ever. Heero had his arms wrapped around his body, trying to keep from laughing. If they heard him laughing, the jig would be up. He clamped his hand over his mouth, but he couldn't hold it all in - it was just too much.

Heero Yuy squeaked for the first time in his life.

Duo knocked on the door before opening it fractionally, giving Heero some time, but it was too late. This was too funny.

Duo looked pale and sheepish. He had his hands in his back pockets, and he was trying not to look at Heero. "Um, Heero, look, I'm sorry, I am, you just... freaked me out big time back there, and I know, you must be scared, too, and OH MY GOD, you are LAUGHING, aren't you! FUCKER! Are you laughing at me???"

Well, no point holding it in now. Heero nodded, and let loose with some serious chuckles.

Duo turned red, and smacked him so hard on the shoulder, he nearly fell down. "Fucker! I can't believe you did that to me!"

The other three victims were now standing outside their bedroom. Heero just grinned. Quatre looked like he might rip someone or something's throat out. Wu Fei looked so relieved, he might just collapse. Trowa was looking ironic, which he always did, but it was the degree of irony that let out how amused he was.

Heero shrugged.

Duo screamed, and tossed himself face first down onto the bed. "And to think, for a second there, I was thinking, well, this won't be so bad... FUCK! You are EVIL, Yuy, and I'm going to get you back!"

"I wouldn't be too sure about that, Duo," Trowa smirked. "This was a good one."

"Oh yeah?" Duo lifted his head to glare at Trowa. "I know how to make sure there are no pregnancy scares in the future!"

Heero sighed. It was still worth it. Probably.