title: Dog Kisses
fandom: Harry Potter
characters/pairings: James, Peter, Remus/Sirius
rating: G/Teen
warnings: kissing, petting
summary: Sirius and Remus have some things pointed out to them.
notes: forgive me if this is just... way overdone. have read maybe five hp fics, and i know the fandom is bloody huge... this will likely be the first in a series of hp fics... takes place at the beginning of the sixth year for the marauders.

Peter was making a list of the Top Ten Best Quidditch Plays by James Potter, but he kept getting the order mixed up, and he would ask James his opinion. If he had to tell Peter what his best plays were, that just completely missed the point. Also, he was starting to worry about poor Wormtail. He seemed to spend all of his time trailing after James, which James liked, because Wormtail was always very encouraging, but wasn't about time for him to get a girlfriend?

He was trying to get a girlfriend, after all, but Evans just wasn't cooperating... They passed her in the common room, and she actually turned when he walked in, before he even got a chance to say anything! He was barely in the room, she didn't even know if he was staying or not, and she shifted her whole chair and all her books so she was facing the other way!

He was, therefore, already annoyed when he entered their dorm room, to find his other two compatriots in crime...

Well. He didn't even know how to describe this scene. Sirius had transformed into the dog, and he and Remus were playing.

If, by playing, one meant that Sirius, as a dog, was crawling all over Remus, licking his face right off, and Remus, sitting on the floor with his legs spread out for Sirius, was laughing and rubbing Sirius down.

James just stood there and stared. Peter squeaked, "I want to play with the doggie!"

Holding him back, James watched in horror as Remus, apparently unaware of their presence, was kissing Sirius' dog face, and saying, over and over again, in a babyish voice, "Who's a good doggie? Yes, yes, you're a good doggie, yes you are, my good doggie, yes you are!"

James felt a headache coming on that might well crack his skull open. "Just what the bloody hell are you two doing?"

Remus looked up at James, bemused, but Sirius just continued to lick Remus all over. "Hullo. We're just playing. How'd your... Padfoot! That tickles! Ooh, I know a doggie who's getting tickled back, yes I do, let's see how you like THIS!"

This might have been more tolerable if Peter weren't whimpering like a sulking child who has to wait his turn. James strode over to his bed with what could only, he was sure, be described as dramatic grace, and he tossed his bag down on his bed. He grabbed his broom, because at times like this, a man needed his broom, and strode back to them.

"You! And you! Now look here! I need to have at least one sane friend, and one of you two has got to be it! Moony, I'm looking at you. Because someone has got to be able to tell me what the blood fuck I'm doing wrong with Evans, so she'll stop treating me like the Black Plague and fall madly in love with me! And you can't do that if you're both stark raving mad!" He pointed his finger at each of them in turn, as if he could shame sense into them.

Sirius barked, and tried to bite his finger. Remus laughed, and scratched behind Sirius' ear. "Oh, come on, James. We're just goofing around. There's nothing weird about it."

"Nothing weird..." Large parts of James' brain imploded, but he recovered quickly, as a hero should. "Fine. Fine, then. Ok, fine. I didn't want to do this, though it's for the best really. Fine." He turned to face Remus. "Moony, Padfoot here fancies you. He jerks off in the bathroom thinking about doing dirty things to your body." He turned to the blasted dog. "And Padfoot, Moony fancies you, too. He watches you get dressed in the morning, and undressed at night, and get all red in the face and swoony whenever he gets a good view."

"I don't... get... swoony..." Remus objected with increasing weakness.

"Now," James resumed pointing his finger at them. "You two shag like wild mad beasts, and when I get back, I expect at least one of you to have regained some sanity. Do you understand, Moony? Good! Now, Wormtail, you're coming with me to watch me play Quidditch by myself because I'm the only sane person left!"

Peter, who was getting rather bug eyed during James' declarations, looked confused for a moment, and then he jumped girlishly with pleasure. "James, you know, I'm sane, and I think Lily must be mad not to be in love with you..."

James sighed. He really did need to try to find Wormtail a girl...

Remus and Sirius watched James leave, and quiet like had never been felt by a living soul in this dorm room since they had first moved in suddenly descended. Shaking a little, Remus tried to turn back to look at Sirius, but his heart was having palpitations, and his hands on Sirius' body were shaking.

Whimpering, Sirius leaned forward, and licked under Remus' ear.

Smiling like the man facing the firing squad after their wands had been raised, he shakily petted Sirius' head. "I-If James was... er, right about what he said... about you... you could, er, transform back, and we could... continue. O-otherwise, if he was wrong... then... you could just ignore it, really, and I won't cause you any trouble, I sw-"

But Sirius had transformed back, and touched Remus' mouth with his thumb. For one breathless moment, Remus felt the crashing exhilaration of having everything that one desired dropped into one's lap seconds before one was prepared for it.

And then, Sirius leaned in and kissed him.

They were both grinning when their lips parted, their eyes meeting, and it was clear that they were both of one mind.

"James can be a real prat sometimes."

Remus lifted a shaky hand to brush Sirius' perfect hair back. "True. But, he's not without his usefulness."

Sirius grinned, and leaned in for another kiss.

"The universe," James declared, to no one at all, because Peter was frantically copying Remus' Charms essay while he was... busy with Sirius. "Is cosmically unfair. Absolutely, cosmically unfair."

From behind the curtain around Sirius' bed, there was a laugh, which James could not identify as Sirius' or Remus', and then a yelp, which he highly suspected to be Remus'. He also highly suspected that noises such as this were going to quickly become part of his day to day life in what he affectionately referred to, in his own thoughts, at least, as the Marauders' Headquarters.

He scowled harder as Peter, realizing this lapse of concentration on Remus' part was going to last for a bit, went scavenging through his bags for more homework.

"Cosmically unfair, I tell you." Someday, he vowed to himself, Evans would come up here. And they'd make at least as much noise as those two dogs.

A sound, presumably human in origin, though James was afraid to consider alternatives, the likes of which he had never heard before, nor, Fates be merciful, would he ever hear again, issued forth from behind the curtains. Peter was beside himself with joy, and he pulled Remus' whole bag up to his bed to start a marathon session of copying.

Well. Maybe he'd make nearly as much noise with Evans. She was a lady, after all.