title: borders
fandom: Yellow
characters/pairings: Gou/Taki
rating: Teen
warnings: sex, conversation, some drinking
summary: reflecting on the lack of space between.
notes: for Mina, for guessing one of my blind_go fics. ^_~ this. doesn't go anywhere, doesn't do anything. i don't remember what i was thinking when it started, and not sure it actually achieved anything. ~_~ le sighs, sorry...

Taki sometimes had bad dreams. Terrible dreams that he never told Gou about. Given the things that Taki had seen and done in his life, it could be about anything. When he woke up, he wanted to have sex with Gou as quickly and as hard as possible. Gou had nightmares, too. Nightmares that he never told Taki about. They were always of the same thing: he was standing still, reaching out, but Taki was getting away from him. Taki was going to die, and screaming for him, but Gou was trapped in place. When he woke up, he needed to kiss Taki. He needed to hold Taki close, so he could feel like he would never get away again.

They'd run off for a 'honeymoon' before they'd even had a single date, but they'd been living together for ages before that, and they'd already slept together. Still, Gou had to learn where and when Taki would allow him to kiss, or touch, or even hold hands, or put his arm around Taki's shoulders, or anything. Just when he almost had it figured out, Taki would push him into an alley and they'd have sex against a wall. They got naked at a club in Budapest because Taki couldn't take it anymore.

Taki still flirted with women, so Gou flirted with guys, and Taki got angry. Then, they'd both get angry. Taki was the one who said Just leave then! It scared them both, and they went back to their hotel quickly, and made love all night long, whispering apologies to each other.

There was no demarcation point. They realized it at different times. There was no backing down. No breaking up. Even during their worst argument, which wasn't so much about anything as there was just a limit to how much time two people could spend together without fighting, they both knew. Neither of them was going to leave. That made it both better and worse.

They weren't going to lose each other. There was no escape or reprieve, either.

It was five years after they got together that Gou told Taki anything at all about his parents, his family. They were in bed, and Taki was sitting up, smoking a cigarette. Gou had his back to him, and his voice was low and quiet. Nothing had sparked it. Out of the blue, for no reason, Gou started to talk about it. Taki listened until Gou finished, just as randomly, and all Taki could think was that it had never once occurred to him to ask Gou about his upbringing.

For days afterward, they were awkward around each other. Somehow, they'd lost the art of conversing. But during this time, they were ravenous for each other. They couldn't be near each other without crawling all over each other. They couldn't sate each other's need. It was like they were on fire, but despite the heat, they weren't being consumed. There couldn't be enough.

Two weeks after Gou had opened up, Taki suggested they go back to where Gou grew up. Gou was resistant, and Taki didn't push, and the subject was dropped, but Taki didn't forget about it. Gou and he were working in a café, doing some information trafficking on the side. He was talking to a cop in code, and when he was done, he saw Gou was talking to some girls. That was unusual, since Gou never liked talking to girls too much, but as he got closer, he heard what Gou was saying.

It had been a long time since he'd looked at Gou and saw just an average guy. In fact, he never thought of Gou as average. Even before he would admit that he was in love with him, he still was able to recognize that Gou was gorgeous and amazingly skilled. But with those girls, he was just a guy, laughing at silly jokes, and wasting time when he should have been working.

That night, Taki made them stop at a wine shop, and he picked out a nice pinot noir. They drank the bottle down slowly, and played a few little sexual games. It didn't matter how long they'd been together, there seemed to be an endless supply of desire between them.

However, when the bottle was empty, and they were sitting on the floor in front of the couch, naked and intertwined with each other, they talked. Taki wanted to make Gou laugh, and he wanted to hear things about Gou that no one else knew. They stayed like that, wrapped up in a throw, a little drunk and a lot goofy, until they saw the sun rise together.

When they crawled into bed, Taki crawled all the way over and wrapped himself around Gou. There was no such think as his side of the bed or Gou's side of the bed. They didn't need that.

There were times when their need for each other scared him, and times when it was a burden, and then there were times that Gou made funny faces and laughed like he didn't have a care in the world, and Taki wondered how he could crawl even deeper inside the man he loved like air.