title: Sorted
fandom: Harry Potter
characters/pairings: many throughout the years
rating: G
warnings: none
summary: The sorting deliberation of various Hogwarts students over the years.
notes: i'm quite sure this has been done before, as i'm sure that anything i'd do in this fandom has been done before. but i was thinking about the sorting hat, and the 'conversation' it had with harry, and i was picturing the sorting of other characters, starting with the marauders. i'll put a list of everyone i'm using, in order, at the end, but it shouldn't be too hard, 'specially since i'll go in alphabetical order by year. oh, and all dialogue is internal, sorting hat's comments in italics.
by the way, the years here refer to the year they graduated, as per US custom, and may be wrong. i was going to change them to the year they started school, but... i got lazy. =/

Class of 1945

"Well, well, this is interesting, definitely."

"Slytherin, right?"

"So. Do you know, then? That you're his heir."

"Whose heir? Slytherin's? I didn't know. But it doesn't surprise me."

"No, I imagine it wouldn't. Great things will happen because of you, boy. I rather fear for it."

"Don't worry. Everything's going to be better, now that I'm here."

"Better for you, yes..."

Class of 1978, or thereabouts

"Don't even think about putting me Slytherin, you ratty old thing, or I will find your guts and spill them."

"My, my! Feisty one, aren't you? But you're a pureblood. So pure your parents are probably scouring their nieces and nephews to arrange your marriage."

"Bugger off. Like I care about that. I want to be put in Gryffindor. So that's where you're putting me."

"Am I? How interesting. Quite used to getting your own way, aren't you, boy? Phineas never had time for children like you."

"Well, he's dead, isn't he? So it's not really an issue, then."

"Indeed, indeed. You'd do well in Slytherin, I must say. You have the blood for it. You have the drive. You'd be the king of that house."

"Rather not, thanks."

"You're a bit young to be rebelling so strenuously against your parents. Fine, then. Have it your way. Gryffindor it is."

"Well, well, well. Clever one, aren't you?"

"Does that mean I'll be in Ravenclaw? I wouldn't mind that."

"Wouldn't you, though? Not really a bookworm, are you? And Ravenclaws don't really appreciate your kind of sharp sense of humor."

"Well... that can't be all of them, can it?"

"I dare say not, no. In these times, I just can't put you in Slytherin, which is a pity, yes. You could do that lot some good."

"You're a bit of a cheeky brat, too, aren't you?"

"You'd be surprised. Well, Hufflepuff is out of the question. You'd shine too brightly there. You'd be stifled."

"So, I'm left with Gryffindor, then?"

"Not left with, dearie. Oh no. You have Gryffindor written all over you."

"Well, then, why all this deliberation?"

"I was wondering if you'd show me your preference, that's all."

"You're a funny little hat, aren't you?"

"You aren't the first to say so."

"...Well? Do you have any thoughts on where you should be placed?"

"That's your job, isn't it?"

"Certainly, certainly. But you must have an opinion."

"Not particularly. Wherever you think will be fine."

"No opinion at all? Curious. Curious. But surely you must have some preference? Come on, boy. Speak up. This will be your home for the next seven years."

"I'm sure you know what you're doing."

"Curious. Let's see... you don't think you're ambitious enough for Slytherin. Not clever enough for Ravenclaw. Not brave enough for Gryffindor. Not hard-working enough for Hufflepuff. Good heavens, boy! Why did you even bother taking the train up here?"

"Are you sending me home, then?"

"...Ah, I see, I see. You don't think you're going to have any friends. That's why it doesn't matter to you. Can't say I blame you. Never had a werewolf here before. Curious. Very curious..."

"Er. Do I get a house, then?"

"Indeed. You're a Gryffindor. Definitely."

"Am I?"

"You seem agreeable enough, so let me give you some advice. Don't doubt yourself. And don't doubt your friends. You'd be surprised what greatness lies inside of even the meanest packages."

"You don't mean me, I hope?"

"Gryffindor. Definitely."

"I wish James had been sorted before me."

"Is this James a friend of yours?"

"Ah!! Oh, it's the hat. Oh. That's odd. Er. No, he's not. But if we were in the same house, he might be..."

"You're a funny little creature. What am I to do with you?"

"You put Sirius Black in Gryffindor, though, and that was very odd. All Blacks go in Slytherin. It's like a rule. Sirius and James are friends. James is a pureblood, but I think his parents are big Muggle supporters. Maybe he'll be in Gryffindor, too."

"Hm. So, have you made up your mind, then?"

"I want to be with James, and Sirius. They're definitely the best. Gryffindor, I suppose. But I really wish James had been sorted first, so I could have known for sure..."

"And I wish that you could think for yourself. I'll put you in Gryffindor, but I'll warn you now; no good can come of deciding your fate based on to whom you can attach yourself. There is potential in you, if you could just stand on your own two feet."

"I get to be in the same house as James and Sirius! Oh, that's fantastic! Now, mind, make sure you put James in Gryffindor, too, or it's pointless."

"I hate it when they don't listen to me. Why do I even bother? I'm much older than you, you know. Pay attention!"

"I am! You said Gryffindor."

"Yes, yes."

"There's no point, even, to talking to you, is there? You might as well be Gryffindor's heir."

"Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, I need to be in Slytherin!"

"Oh? And why is that?"

"I can make good connections in Slytherin! I can get away from them! I can make my own future!"

"Well, undoubtedly, you are ambitious enough. Halfblood, but I don't put much stock in that, mind you. Slytherin's own heir was a halfblood."

"Really? Who was that?"

"That's the other thing. Not really guided by a moral compass, are you?"

"I know right from wrong."

"Anything that carries you as far away from your home as you can get, mm?"

"Can you blame me?"

"Not a question of blame, no. Bit of interest in the Dark Arts, don't you? Might that also be a motivation?"

"What, you're going to report me for being curious?"

"No, no. Not at all. You belong in Slytherin. But take care. Halfbloods aren't liked any better than Muggle-borns, these days."

"I can take care of myself."

"I'm sure."

Class of 1979, or thereabouts

"Oh, please, please, please, you have to put me in Slytherin or mother will kill me!"

"Now, that's not a very good reason. Don't you want to be in Gryffindor? Your brother can look out for you, take care of you..."

"Like he would do that. I'm serious, if you put me in Gryffindor, mother will kill me! I can't stand up to her like Sirius does! I'm not that brave, and no one looks out for me!"

"I could put you in Slytherin, definitely. Your blood almost demands it. Your ancestor would demand it. I have no doubt that your family demands it. But is it right for you? I can't think so."

"It doesn't matter! She'll kill me! Don't you understand?! She's positively raving! When Sirius wrote to tell us he'd been put in Gryffindor... I hid under my bed for a week!"

"That's not very encouraging."

"You're not going to put me in Gryffindor, are you?"

"Not if you hide under your bed, no."

"Oh, please, put me in Slytherin!"

"Fine, fine. But you'll have to stand up to your mother someday. I'm warning you. You don't have what it takes to become a Dark Wizard, and believe me, I've seen the best Dark Wizards there are."

"Oh, thank you!"

Class of 1999

"...Well? You keep... humming?"

"Sorry, sorry. But you've got such an interesting head."

"Ah. Thank you?"

"You'd do well in Ravenclaw, that's for certain. You have the passion for learning. The zeal for study. You'd find it a good atmosphere, better than any other."

"Well, I did read all about Ravenclaw in Hogwarts: A History, and I rather expected to be sorted there."

"Do I detect a note of disappointment?"

"Er, well, no. I mean. There's no other house you'd consider... right?"

"I never said that. No, I never said that at all. You'd do well in Ravenclaw, I said. But you'd do well in one other house, as well."


"Ah ha, my dear, how did you know?"

"Well, ah! I didn't, but I sort of..."


"Well. A bit. I mean. When I was reading about where some of the great wizards of our time, and which house they were in..."

"You'd rather follow in the footsteps of past Gryffindors, mm?"

"Well. I suppose. But I'm quite sure you know what you're doing!"

"You know your own mind, girl, and don't doubt it. Oh, you're a Gryffindor, all right."

"I... am?"


"Oh. Thank you!"

"Well, boy? Are you just going to sit there and shiver?"

"Ah! I was waiting for you to decide!"

"You have to say something, boy. You could go either way. Oh, yes, you could."

"Ei-either way?"

"You have the temperament and talent for Hufflepuff. Mm, you'd excel there."

"Me, excel? Really? Great!"

"But there's your blood... your parents... they're inside of you. You might uncover them if you were in Gryffindor."

"M-my parents?"

"Brave people, they were, and strong. You could be brave and strong... but mediocre. Or you could be hard-working, and excel. What do you think? What do you want?"

"...I can choose?"

"I choose. But you can have an opinion. Oh, yes..."

"...I want to find my parents."

"Good choice."

"Not much to deliberate here, no, no. Not unless you'd rather get away from your older brothers? Mm? I do detect a note of... jealousy, perhaps, maybe, yes. You'd like to distinguish yourself, I see. Maybe going to Hufflepuff would be the start, eh?"

"Er, no, thanks. I mean. I want to be in Gryffindor."

"Because your parents expect it?"

"Well. There's that. But. More..."

"Because you want to see what great things you can do. I see. I see. Well, it fits you, definitely. Oh, yes. But you might find there are more shadows there than you expect. Trust me when I say, you've already distinguished yourself, boy."

"Ah. Well. Thank you. Er, Hat."

Class of 2000

"Interesting head you have on your shoulders here, girl."

"Thank you, hat. Dad says that I'm very smart."

"He's not wrong. You have... many things in here. You do know that many of these beliefs contradict each other?"

"But surely, hat, you know that reality has folds in it to hold all the truths there are."

"Clever girl, you are."

"Good, then I'll be in Ravenclaw!"

"Is that what you want? I would have thought Gryffindor, myself..."

"But the smart children are in Ravenclaw, and you said I was smart."

"Good point. Well, well. This should be intertesting. Ravenclaw it is."

"Thank you, hat."

"Definitely Gryffindor."


listed in order:

Tom Riddle, Sirius Black, Lily Evans, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, James Potter, Severus Snape, Regulus Black, Hermione Granger, Neville Longbottom, Ron Weasley, Luna Lovegood, Ginny Weasley