title: Small Talk, Second Try
fandom: DC Comics
characters/pairings: implied Dick/Garth, Barbara, Bruce, Tim
rating: G
warnings: superheros discussing fanfiction
summary: Overheard from a rooftop one night...
notes: taking this fic seriously is bad for your health. this fic is intended to be used solely for humorous purposes.

"So, Dick, what did you do with your precious afternoon off?"

"Well, I was planning on doing some shopping, getting a haircut, and taking a nap, but I ended up getting sucked into a fanfic site and spent all afternoon reading Star Wars fanfic."

"Ha! They can be pretty involving! Anything good?"

"Yeah, there was a couple, one really long, like twelve part first time Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan story that was really really good."

"First time?"

"Yeah, how they got together as a couple, beginning relationship stuff, council butting in, good stuff."

"Couple??? Are you kidding? That's sick!!"


"Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, together? How could you read that crap?!"

"It was good! I had no idea you had this side Babs, jeez..."

"I'm not being homophobic. Hell, I sent Donna a couple choice Titans slash fics just the other day..."

A sigh. "I know."

"But their relationship is mentor/student! Practically father/son!"

"It's not that bad -"

"If they stay at all true to the character, they have to admit that the relationship has abusive elements -"

"Abuse?!?! Are you nuts? You haven't even read it! Besides, in the movie they didn't strike me as father/son. They really seemed intimate, close -"

"Well, of course! It's a mentor/student relationship -"

"That doesn't mean they can't be lovers without it being abusive!"

"Are you high? The power imbalance -"

"You are nuts. Are you saying there is no way the relationship could be written so that it isn't abusive in your eyes?"

"No. Gosh, getting defensive, aren't we Batboy?"


"You're fidgeting."


"Yeah, fidgeting. And you don't fidget. You are fidget-free person usually."

"You just like saying fidget."



Another sigh. "Duty calls."

Batman tenderly cleaned the scraps Dick had collected dealing with the exploding Kwick-E-Mart. He was surprised that Dick was, well, fidgety; usually, he liked TLC.

"Something wrong? I mean other that the black-and-blue half of your body?"

"Hm? No! Why?"

"You seem...uncomfortable."

"Sorry. Still a little out of sorts from a talk I had with Babs just before the BOOM."

"Oh. Want to talk about it?"


"Oh, Alfred said Garth called the cave. From your home computer. Apparently, he's there?"

"Oh! Yeah, well...ya know, Garth lives with Arthur now, so that kinda...sucks, and well, no one really lives in Titan's Tower, so he's, uh, visiting..."


"Yeah, well, thanks for patching me up, I guess I'd better get home, before Garth floods the bathroom again." Nervous laughter. Of course, he never did that by himself... "Besides, I need a get home to bed so I can wake up all sore and achey..." deep blush "...well. See ya around."

Batman repressed the small smile. Since Dick had moved out, Bruce had repressed every desire to constantly monitor Dick's life he had. So it was especially gratifying when Dick just gave something away.

"Robin? You still there?"

"Yup. Nothing's going on here. Dick OK?"

"Yeah. So, I'll come get you. Uh, I guess you want to talk now?" Sometimes, he questioned the logic of sidekicks.

"I was telling you about last night's Voyager! There was some great Janeway/Seven of Nine action! They are so doing it!"

Bruce sighed. He knew Tim was just trying to pique him, but...

"Does it really increase your enjoyment of the show to imagine a semi-illicit sub-textual sexual relationship?"

Half a beat, and then

"Yes, yes it does."

"Hm. OK, lay out the evidence for me."