title: Small Talk, First Try
fandom: DC Comics
characters/pairings: Bruce/Dick, Tim, Barbara
rating: Teen
warnings: gossiping, kissing
summary: Tim has fun with his batty friends.
notes: taking this fic seriously is bad for your health. this fic is intended to be used solely for humorous purposes.

"So, if Superman were gay, who do you think he'd go for - Batman or Nightwing?"


"I said, if Superman --"

"I know what you said! I just - what kind of question is that?"

"A hypothetical one."

"Ha ha. Too funny Boy Wonder."

"I got a rep to maintain. So..."

"What makes you think Nightwing would go for him? Or any guy? Or, er, Batman for that matter?"

"Are we now discussing Batman and Nightwing, Babs, cuz you kinda lost me there."

"Batman. Superman would go for Batman."

"Ya think?"

"Definitely. They're about the same age, they've worked together..."

"They seem to hate each other, they constantly argue and strut around each other....Well, I guess that could cover attraction. But I think Supes would dig Dick's action better."


"I mean, personality wise, they seem pretty compatible, plus they work well together, they respect each other, both leader-types, so they could commiserate, plus I think he'd go for someone of more the opposite body type to his own."

"You've given this a lot of thought. Trying to tell me something? Becoming curious in your puberty, kiddo?"

"I'm a detective Babs, I don't get curious, I investigate. Currently, I'm investigating my rather curvy girlfriend and the whole relationship thing. Later, I may investigate more the flat plains. Speaking of which, you sound kinda tense, talking about Dick with another guy doesn't squick ya, does it?"

"Of course not!"

"It's just, you don't seem to have a problem with Bruce and another guy--"

"I don't have a problem!!"

"How are things with you and Dick lately? Been seeing much of each other?"

Barbara seriously considered cutting off the Boy Wonder's power.

Batman perked up a bit as he heard the familiar sound of Dick's bike roaring into the cave.

"Something interesting on the wire?"

He threw down the headset. "Nah. Tim and Barbara are discussing who Superman would go for if he were gay - me or you."

"Hm. I thought Superman was having a thing with Martian Manhunter."

"That was just a fling. I think he's with Lois again."

"Hunh. Emblem of truth, justice, and the American way my ass - the mantra 'up, up, and away' fits that guy to a tee."

"Too flighty for you?"

"I thought I was in charge of bad puns. But no, he's not my type."

"Hm. Well, he's out of luck then, because he's not my type either. I don't go for the big muscle man thing."


"Don't get me wrong, I like strong, but I the prefer sleek, agile, and dynamic kind of strength, plus a quirky sense of humor help."

"Ah." Dick quietly straddled Bruce in the computer chair, made himself comfortable in his lap, and put his arms around his neck. "Well, I like the muscle man type, but I like stability too, plus, I like to be the sunny one in the relationship."

Bruce wrapped his arms around Dick's waist. "Well, given your upbringing and nightly activities, that doesn't leave you with many options."

"Hm. Guess I'll have to make do."

Tim let Babs stew in her juices while he enlarged the vid-window from the Batcave. If Bruce could spy, then, well, so could he. He wasn't quite sure why he liked to watch his mentors kiss so much, whether it was because it was about time, or because he cared so much about them individually as people, or some latent homosexual impulse that got off watching two finely toned men go at it, but damn... He switched off the window just in time to respect their privacy.

"Anything else to discuss, Boy Blunder?" said the voice in his ear.

"Oh! I almost forgot! I heard about someone who likes you!"

"Yeah?" suspicious.

"Yeah! You've heard of the Huntress, right?"