title: Double Indemnity
fandom: DC Comics
characters/pairings: Dick/Bruce, Dick/Garth, Dick/Babs, Garth/Bruce
rating: Teen
warnings: silliness
summary: Dick's admirers get out of hand.
notes: this is for 'rith, because, hey, it's still probably raining for someone somewhere... = )
this is strictly humorous! taking this seriously is strenuously recommended against!!

The music of the Pogues was playing at a fairly reasonable volume in the background as Bruce and Dick were kissing on Dick's couch. An odd choice for music, certainly, but there was many a thing Dick was trying to teach Bruce this night, and music appreciation was low enough on the list to be subliminal.

They had been fooling around a bit for a week now, and Dick was enjoying being the cat in their game of cat and mouse. Even now, their kisses were light and playful, not deep enough to really taste and trailing over the landscape of face often enough to be distracting.

But this time, Bruce had his hand on Dick's upper thigh, so he had high hopes for the rest of the evening.

When Dick took Bruce's earlobe in his teeth, Bruce was surprised enough to jerk his hand higher, giving Dick the perfect opportunity to buck his hips, causing Bruce to cradle him in his hand for a brief moment.

Bruce pulled back and their eyes met. Reassurance and acceptance passed and received from both they started to press tighter against and towards one another, until Bruce's patience and resolve were tested to the max, and he started to push Dick to lay flat on the couch, covering him with his body.

They were kissing and holding and rubbing and bucking until Bruce was holding Dick's arms above his head and things were starting to look really interesting.

The phone rang, but neither of them really cared, as Bruce was sucking hard enough on Dick's neck to leave a mark.

The answering machine picked up, and Dick didn't notice it until Bruce went still. Confused, the voice on the machine finally made it through Dick's foggy conscious.

It was Garth.

"...again soon. I have some interesting ideas about using the pool at the Tower. After all, it's only fair that we go at it in my element next. Talk to you soon, lover."


Dick looked up to find himself staring into the eyes of the Bat.

Taking a deep breath, he said, as evenly as he could manage, "I can explain that..."

Dick felt good. He looked good, too, in his shimmery pants and a turtle neck, which, thankfully, Garth hadn't thought twice about. Garth looked good, too, really good. Really really good.

It was too bad that Dick spent his life surrounded by really attractive men who didn't have the courage to approach him. Bruce and Garth had both made their 'move', as it were, at close enough to the same time that he hadn't been on the date he had made with Garth when Bruce had asked him for dinner. And how was he to know, to really know, that dinner meant dinner? Was it fair to break a date with one good friend because of dinner with another? And when it was obvious that they were both, well, interested, well, what was he to do then? Say, 'Gee, Garth, you sure are drop-dead fuck me now! gorgeous, but Bruce has finally worked through some issues in his life...'? Or, 'Sorry, Bruce, I've known how you've felt for years and waited for you to make up your mind about what to do about them, but now's not really the best time....'? Besides, neither of them were really serious yet...

Well, anyway, Bruce had accepted his lame explanation, even if he didn't look happy and had virtually jumped for joy when the batsignal had become visible. And now he was in a fabulous restaurant with a fabulous friend, and thanks to the rather obvious leer he and Garth had shared while the outraged maitre d' was getting their table, they had plenty of privacy.

After their appetizer, in fact, they had enough privacy for some low-level groping and kissing. Really low level.

His cell phone vibrated, and Garth went into a fit of giggles. Looking up at him with those perfect violet eyes, he dead panned, "Is that your phone or are you really happy to see me?"

Dick laughed, because it was so much fun to just laugh out loud. Before he could think to stop him, Garth had slipped his hand into Dick's pocket and pulled out the vibrating phone.

And then, holding Dick close, his whole body went still.

"Is something wrong?" Immediately, Dick thought the message was from the Titan's or Babs about someone being hurt.

"It's a text. From Bruce. 'Sorry I overreacted last night. None of my business, really. Let me make it up to in person - in my hot tub, suit optional.'"

Garth pulled away, still looking at the message like maybe it would change if he willed it hard enough. Dick cleared his throat, took a deep breath, and said, "I can explain that..."

Bruce pushed the barbell above his head for the fiftieth time, then let it settle back into its metal seat. It was odd, being in the Titan's Tower, out of the cowl, working out. But he had bided his time, and now it was the night.

Garth was alone in the Tower, and he and Bruce were going to have a little talk.

Of course, Dick could pop in at any moment, but it was highly unlikely that any other Titan would (Wally had a 3.7% chance of dropping in, making him the Titan most likely to do so by 0.9%). After getting to the Tower, though, he found that Garth was rehydrating, and doing fast laps in the Titan pool. And Bruce found that it would probably be better to burn off some of this energy he was carrying.

After fifty reps of bench press, he checked the monitor again, and saw that Garth was floating on the surface of the pool, his chest floating while he legs dropped lower. Wiping down a bit, Bruce headed to the pool with conviction.

The pool area was humid, but it didn't have the oppressive scent usually associated with a pool, because instead of chlorine, the Titan's pool had a sophisticated water recycling system.

Bruce stood by the edge of the pool, his arms crossed over his chest, waiting for Garth to notice him. Hoping that when he did, he would be startled.

Garth did notice him, but didn't jump in fear. Ah well.

"Don't you think you ought to be talking to him and not to me?"

"I think maybe there are some things we need to clear up first."

Garth sighed. "It isn't our choice, you realize."

"We have a choice. Or rather, you do. To back off."

Vexed, Garth rowed himself closer to the edge of the pool. "I should back off? I don't think so, Batman."

"I'm not here to talk as Batman, I'm here to talk as someone who has Dick's best interest at heart."

"Best interest?!?" Garth pulled himself out of the water. "What makes you think I don't have Dick's best interest at heart in giving him some reason to look past the looming legend in his life?!"

Bruce's eyes were focused past Garth's shoulder. "He and I have both been through so much, we lean on each other so much."

"Codependency is sweet, but not necessarily in his best interest. And look at me when we talk!"

Bruce pushed a breath out of his teeth. "Then put some clothes on, for God's sake!"

Garth just rolled his eyes, and sauntered past Bruce, muttering about surfacer prudes, and then picked up one of Dick's discarded speedos with a devilish glee.

Bruce rolled his eyes and continued. "The truth is, you aren't strong enough to be with him. Do you have any notion of the level of commitment he has for his work? Will you be understanding when he's out six nights in a row until he's ready to fall down with exhaustion? And then he has to go out again the next night? Will you be able to stand back when he needs to push himself beyond his limits, and you need to stand back and let him? Will you understand the need for secrecy, for lies sometimes?"

"Are you talking about him or you? Because confusing him for you will be a stumbling block in your continued efforts to seduce your son."

Bruce's blue eyes were blazing fire. Garth's violet eyes were steaming fumes.


"Child Molester."

Bruce raised his arm to strike Garth, not really trying to start a fight as he knew the younger hero would be able to block. Unfortunately, he had underestimated the effect of years of fish-related teasing Garth had endured from Roy; Garth did catch Bruce's arm, and then he threw a blow of his own. Bruce blocked easily, but in another minute they were rolling on the ground, pulling each other's hair, biting and scratching, at too close quarters to really fight properly and fair.

Higher forces alone would have known how long they would have continued in childish horseplay, had they not been interrupted.

"What the hell are you guys doing?" Dick had worked hard at getting the sentence out without bursting out laughing, although his humor could be heard as pulled a chair up and sat down.


"Oh! Uh, we were just..."

"This isn't how it looks!"


They both stopped their desperate protestations when they realized that Dick could no longer contain his laughter.

Bruce was puzzled. "Aren't you mad at us? Um, we were kinda, well, uh, fighting over, uh, well, you."

With the biggest grin Dick could contain splashed across his face, Dick responded, "Well, let's see, you are in those skimpy workout shorts from the 70's you insist on and a few strings of cloth masquerading as a tank top, Garth is in one of my speedos and stretching it out nicely, and the two of you are rolling around on the ground. Um, let me think here.... Nope, I don't have a problem with that! Just let me know when a good time for me to slip in would be..."

Bruce and Garth took one good look at each other, and the position their limbs had arranged themselves in, and scooted away from each other with one big leap.

Then they turned their angry glare towards Dick.

"This can't go on you know."

"You have to do something."

Dick feigned looking sweet. "Do you guys need lube?"

"Dammit Dick! You've been sleeping with both of us!"

Bruce suddenly turned to Garth with a horrified expression. "Sleeping?! You've been sleeping with him!"

Garth got a very self-satisfied look. "Oh, ok, never mind, I guess the problem isn't as big as I thought it was."

"What the hell is this!! I've been struggling with these feeling for years and now I have to share! This is completely unfair!"

Garth stretched out a little, straightening his legs out in front of him and presenting a very nice image of himself and his stretched and sweaty speedos. "Oh, you know, I guess it's ok, I thought something different was going on, but it's all good."

"We are in love! Tell him Dick!"

"That's sweet. We share multiple orgasms."

Bruce glared at Garth with the full fury of a Bat scorned.

Dick cleared his throat. "Look, guys, I'm really really really sorry that I was seeing both of you at the same time. It was just really bad timing, but I shouldn't have been cheating on either of you. I do love you, Bruce, but you've always known that. And, I hope, you always will. And Garth, well," Dick let his eyes slide over the lean muscled frame as Garth arched his back a little. "Yeah. Oh, yeah."

Garth grinned at Bruce. Bruce continued to scowl.

Dick cleared his throat again, obviously beginning to feel agitated. "Well, it's all kinda moot anyway. I don't know what the deal with the timing was, maybe I changed my aftershave or something but... I need to break it off with both of you. There's someone else, and I've been in love with her for years, and she's finally broken down, as it were..."

Bruce was staring, expressionless. "Her?"

Garth looked like he'd been trapped in the headlights. "She's?"

Dick blushed. "Yeah, Babs. I was talking to her this afternoon, and things were said, and happened, anyway, we're together now, and I'm not going to lie to anyone anymore. This is the real deal. I hope you guys understand."

"You're dumping us to be with a girl?" Garth couldn't have been more shocked if Dick had told him he's fallen madly in love with a tree slug.

Bruce furrowed his brow, and spoke in his deepest Bat-voice, "Girls are icky."

"This isn't any good, Dick. You're gay. You can't pretend you aren't no matter how much you care for Barbara."

"But I'm bi!" This was not going as Dick had expected.

"There's no such thing as bi, Dick, there's only gay people who have been convinced by an oppressive society that they need to behave in a certain way to be acceptable." Garth was as serious as he was when explaining the terrors of offshore dumping on the ocean's ecosystem.

"Girls are all squishy." Batman was still leveling him with a glare that would make the Joker pause in laughing. "Plus, I'm pretty sure that they have cooties."

"But... but... I love her..." Dick was totally confused. What the hell...?

Garth just shook his head. "This sucks. I was totally looking forward to gettin' a piece tonight. Now what?"

Bruce sighed a heavy Bat-sigh. "You think you've got problems, I've been celibate for ten years! I finally get myself psyched up for sex, and then..."

Garth raised an eyebrow, looking down the sweaty, meaty frame of Bruce Wayne. "Hmmm, well, it looks like we have a similar problem, maybe, you know, we could solve that for each other..."

Bruce looked surprised, but then looked over Garth. He'd never really done that before. When had Garth grown so... fuckable? And if he was able to stretch out Dick's speedos... "Hmm. I think you have a point there..."

As Garth and Bruce were getting up, so to speak, together, Dick stood, sputtering. "Hey! HEY! If you guys are gonna hook up, can I watch?!"

"NO!" They both replied, almost in unison.

"But I'm the reason you guys got together! C'mon!"

"NO!!" This time, in perfect unison.

Which boded well for the rest of their evening.