title: Incidentals: Haute Couture
fandom: DC Comics
characters/pairings: Dick/Joey
rating: Teen
warnings: sexual suggestiveness
summary: Dressing is hard.
notes: none

It was agonizing, standing there in front of the closet. His clothes were lined up, tidy and neat, like a puzzle waiting to be put together. The thing was, there were rules. Lots of rules. He had never had to think about this before, and it was confusing. Donna had written him out some instructions once, but even those were hard to follow.

Don't mix darks. Black and blue do not match.

Patterns are worn with solids, unless they coordinate, such as pants with a textured stripe being paired with a shirt that was perhaps just a shade lighter with a textured stripe. Generally, unless directed otherwise, patterns were to be worn only with solids.

Never wear white socks with dress shoes. Never wear white socks with dress shoes. Never wear white socks with dress shoes.

Brown shoes are to be worn with tan or brown pants. Black shoes are to be worn with black pants. He was never sure what he was supposed to wear with navy pants.

There was something about Labor day. Or was it Memorial day? Or both? He didn't even know the rest of the rules. There were so many of them!

He picked up a pair of navy silk pants, frowning. He knew they were stylish, because Donna had been with him when he'd bought them, and she kept smoothing her hands over his flanks, pointing out how they hung. But if he wore these, he couldn't wear white socks, because he'd be wearing dress shoes. But all his dress socks were black. And his dress shoes were black. That was bad. Was he supposed to have navy shoes? Did they make navy shoes? Had he ever seen anyone wearing navy shoes? He honestly could not remember seeing shoes on anyone at all, really. Shoes existed below his level of awareness.

Would it really matter? Would anyone notice? Donna would, of course, and that would be bad. She always got so exasperated...

He put the pants back, and hitched his towel higher on his waist.

He was a grown man, now, and he could dress himself. He would stick to black. He looked good in black.

But what kind of shirt should he wear? And what kind of tie? Was he supposed to match his shirt and his tie? If he wore a white shirt and black tie, would he look like a mobster? Or worse, a waiter?

He hated this. It was so stupid. Why'd they have to get all dressed up, anyway? Couldn't they just hang around the Tower and order in? He vastly preferred that, anyway.

There was a quiet knock to his door, and then Joey slipped in silently. He looked Dick up and down twice, and then shook his head. He started signed fast, I cannot believe you are not dressed yet! We are all waiting to go! He slapped his hands together as he formed the signs, but he was smiling the whole time.

Dick tossed a disgusted look at his closet. "It's not my fault! I don't know what to wear!"

Joey laughed silently. Do you want me to dress you, he signed.

"Yes," Dick sighed, relieved.

You will have to pay the toll, Joey warned.

"Oh?" Dick raised an eyebrow, hopeful.

A kiss, Joey grinned.

Dick was more than happy to oblige. He put his hands on Joey's waist, and leaned in closer. They touched mouths, just playing at kissing at first, until Dick drew Joey in closer to him, and opened Joey's lips with his tongue. Joey held back at first, writing the word 'idiot' on Dick's chest with his finger, but he let himself get pulled into Dick's embrace. Dick groaned, the coarse terry cloth rubbing against his groin as Joey subtly shifted closer.

"Let's forget about this stupid dinner whatsit," Dick whispered into Joey's ear. "Let's stay here and do this all night."

Joey pressed his face against Dick's neck so Dick could feel him smile, and he wrote 'no' on Dick's shoulder.

Suddenly, Dick was embracing air, and Joey was riffling through his closet, frowning as he examined various articles. Dick sighed and sat down on the bed, trying to think cool, unsexy thoughts while he watched Joey's hands move over his clothes.

Finally, Joey selected an outfit, with the navy silk pants and black socks, no less, and he turned expectantly toward Dick, who continued to sit and stare at him. Sighing, Joey grinned ruefully. You don't mean for me to actually dress you, do you?

Dick loved Joey's expressive signs. "It would be more fun..."

Joey rolled his eyes, but Dick saw his tongue dart out to lick his lips.

Dick was prepared to be good. He didn't resist a single touch or direction. He let Joey lead him silently through the motions. He didn't even react too much when Joey ripped back the towel. He was docile and good as Joey slipped a pair of red silk boxers on him, and he was patient as Joey buttoned up his shirt and zipped his pants. Joey had to stand behind him to tie the tie, and Dick had to crouch a little so Joey could see, but it all worked out beautifully.

Alfred could not have done a better job.

Dick loved these moments. It was the quiet that really got to him. He felt like he was biting his tongue, forcing himself to slip into Joey's world a little, to give just that much so they could meet each other halfway. He wasn't sure what Joey got from the encounters, but he did know that somewhere in that quiet, there was a peace that he had been seeking for as long as he could remember. It made him antsy, like he wanted to spring out and grab it, but he followed Joey's calm and measured example. It would come to him when he was ready.

They took just a few moments to kiss lightly as Joey finger-combed out Dick's hair. Dick ran his knuckles up and down the silk of Joey's sport coat. It was with great reluctance that Joey took Dick's hand and led him downstairs.

He hadn't realized how quiet it was until Joey stopped. He'd been so immersed in Joey's magic. Joey was reading a piece of paper that he had picked up off the counter.

Yo -

We went ahead. Figured you guys would be screwing around for hours. Robbie can get a car to get there. Have fun!

- Roy

Dick propped his chin up on Joey's shoulder. "See? They even gave us time to screw, and we wasted it."

He put his arms around Joey's waist so that he could feel Joey's laughter. He was half tempted to drag Joey back upstairs and make him undress him again, but he didn't, only because he knew Joey wanted to go to this dinner tonight.

Anything he could do to keep Joey happy for as long as he could.