title: Forever
fandom: Fushigi Yuugi
characters/pairings: reincarnated Hotohori/Nuriko, Tamahome/Miaka, slightly suggestive reincarnated Nuriko/Tasuki
rating: G
warnings: blood
summary: An explanation. (Bloody Kisses Ficlet)
notes: sorry for the crappy summary. ^_^ this is a Bloody Kisses Ficlet for tanny. *snugs* it's... got an odd format. hopefully, somewhere in here, you will find what you were looking for. this... is how it decided to come out. *shrugs*

First time around, I hardly noticed him. Which is a lie, of course. I noticed him. I remember dreaming about him, fevered dreams sheathed in gauzy fabrics. But I didn't notice him. I didn't know his moods, or his sighs, or pay attention to the expressions in his eyes.

The first time he died, I was far, far away, but I felt it in every fiber of my being. That was the moment that I truly knew... knew that I was going to die.

Second time around, things started out better. We were in kindergarten together, and we used to walk home together. Sometimes we'd play at each other's houses. At the time, kids sometimes teased him because he looked like a girl, but we were young, and it didn't matter so much. If his hair was a bit long or his clothes were a bit strange, it was all forgivable because he was, in fact, a boy.

When my father died, I remember hiding in his closet, his thin arms holding on to me as he vowed to protect me. My father had been sick for a long time before that. I don't really remember him all that well, just the smell the ointment that made his sores less painful, and the color of his eyes.

My mother had ignored me for a long time after my father's death. I suppose she was grieving. I remember the day when she 'woke up,' and she took me in her arms and kissed my cheek and said that she was sorry.

I told her that Ryan had kissed me and hugged me, and so I was ok.

I wasn't allowed to play with him after that.

I don't know what happened to him in the interim. I know that his family had some hard times, trying to keep their store afloat. He was in a different social circle than me before long, and I never even heard gossip about him.

We were in high school together, then, and you couldn't help noticing him. He was... flamboyant, and vivacious, to say the least. He grew his hair down to his waist, and dyed sections of it purple. The rest of it was pitch black. And he wore whatever the hell he wanted to, most of the time looking like something between a drag queen and a super model. He was in trouble a lot, none of the teachers liked him, and everyone in school gave him a hard time. I shouldn't say everyone in school, because he had friends, but everyone I knew.

I gave him a hard time, too, sometimes. I'm not proud of that.

Then there was the class trip to Kyoto. It was so exciting; everyone was planning for it. Not everyone was going to go, of course, only the honors society. I was the president, because I was the president of everything I joined. That's just the way things were. But Ryan was a member, too.

I remember being annoyed that he was coming. I remember being afraid. I don't remember knowing what I was afraid of at the time, though I can sure tell now. I was on the planning committee, the president, of course, so I made sure we weren't bunked together, ever. But still. He was going to be there.

It was in a temple. I'd walked off, away from Jules and Claudia, just to get some air for a second. There was a path that lead to a reflecting pool. I remember touching the surface of the water, and then looking up and seeing Ryan with a couple. The woman looked like she was in her early twenties, and the man was a few years older, and they had a stroller with a little toddler in it. A girl.

The woman was hugging Ryan and making a lot of noise, and the man even looked excited. But I don't remember looking at them. I remember looking at Ryan, and seeing the relief on his face, such powerful, joyous relief, he was nearly in tears. My heart ached at the sight of it.

It was Miaka and Tamahome, only he was called Taka now, just like Nuriko was now Ryan, and I was Seth. It all came back in an instant, everything we had gone through together, everything we were to each other...

Ryan decided to stay in Japan. It was a big deal. He... he asked me to stay with him, but I had my mother to think about.

So once again, I was in another part of the world when he died. Once again, I felt it with every fiber of my being. And once again, I knew I was going to die the instant I felt it.

This time around, though, it's different. We're dead, yes, but we are together. I chased after him, of course. Ran over to Japan, and found out what happened to him... Found him, more luminescent than ever before. I offered myself to him right then and there.

It made a world of difference, dying in his arms. Protected.

Now, there is nothing left for me to fear. No familial obligations, no social mores, no gods to serve. He hunts, and I feast from his flesh. He thinks that I am still hesitant to drink blood from a human. He thinks that I am upright and good.

But I only want to get my life from him.

And when I lay him down, his flesh separates for my fingers. Red fluid beads up at my call, and sustains me. I strip him bare, and lie with him on bloody sheets, and we are so deeply connected, that there is no me without him, nor him without me.

As it should be.

He is fine, and fair, and beautiful. His hair forevermore will hang to his waist. His hips eternally will be slight and narrow. His body will always be lean, and strong. His eyes will ever sparkle, his lips will ever be red and delicious, and his hands will ever be delicate and graceful. In his arms, I am absolved of my guilt, washed clean of my past transgressions, and I have forever to give him my love, again and again, and again yet again.

He is my everything.

He does not kill. We do not steal. We live relatively normal lives, most of the time. The myths, the things you thought you knew about us, they don't mean anything. We aren't so weak or superstitious. We don't need to be afraid of anything. We aren't anyone's enemies.

His victims all gladly give him their blood, and he only needs to feed every once and a while. We sustain each other the rest of the time.

You distrust me because you were here with him when I was not; you thought you knew my reasons, but hopefully, now you can see that you didn't. You blame me because I made the choice you couldn't, but it was my choice and his and none of your business. I know that the vampire that took his life abused him. I can see the marks on his back better than you, because he bares his back to me. But we took care of him. That blonde menace won't be interfering anymore.

You're jealous, and I don't blame you, but don't expect me to back down just because you've always been a better friend to him. I love him. He loves me. If you can't be happy for him, then you aren't being a good friend to him after all.

He still loves you, Gerald. I can't apologize because he loves me... differently. More. But I hope, for both of your sakes, you can accept me.

I'm not going away.