30/30 - The Bodyguard

by nw's chick

Disclaimers and other information in "Opening Credits"

Rating: G

Eliza didn't even look up as the door to the apartment swung open. Still keeping her gaze fixed on the textbook she was pretending to be reading, she asked her roommates, "And where have you guys been all day?"

Chelsea was practically bouncing with glee. "Where else?!? We went to the Symposium for Extraterrestrial Exobiology and Sociology! And you'll never guess what happened?!?!"

Eliza continued to highlight random passages in her text. "You went to an alien convention."

"We met Martian Manhunter! The Martian Manhunter! From the Justice League!" She continued to bounce in place as their third roommate rolled her eyes.

Delia plopped down on the couch, completely unimpressed by their afternoon's excursion. "It would have been cooler if it was Superman. Or Superboy!"

"You went to an alien convention." Eliza spared her roommates a moment's glance.

Chelsea huffed, annoyed. "Superboy isn't an alien, Delia, he's a clone. I think. Anyway, I can't believe you weren't more impressed! Wasn't he a great public speaker? The way he talked... it was like we were there! Oh, Eliza, you would have loved it! He talked for over an hour, all about Martian culture and civilization, and what happened to them, and Martian physiology, what kind of powers he has... He's so cool! He can be invisible, and change forms!" She sighed, breathily. "He's just so great."

Delia snorted. "You're stalking him, aren't you? You should be careful, Chelse, he's in the Justice League you know..."

"Alien convention." Eliza drew a box around a diagram, filling in some of the blank spaces absently.

Chelsea blushed. "I'm not stalking him! I just think he's really interesting!"

"And cool. And funny. And smart. And sexy..." Delia rolled her eyes as she searched the couch cushions for the remote.

Chelsea sputtered. "I... I didn't... I don't...! Well, he is sexy! I mean, he's green, I know, but... still! He is smart, and the brain is the largest sexual organ, isn't it?"

Delia just rolled her eyes again.

"And anyway, I can't believe that you weren't more excited! There are whole other worlds out there, galaxies and planets that we know nothing about, but that have fully evolved sociopolitical systems, and cultures... I just can't understand why anyone wouldn't be excited about the prospect of learning about new and alien cultures!" Chelsea sat down in a huff. Her roommates were so limited sometimes.

"Aliens." Eliza twirled the highlighter, trying to keep it in motion for as long as possible.

"Well... there was that one thing..." Delia sat up, a smile creeping across her face.

"Yeah?" Chelsea sat forward. Finally, Delia was going to admit that she was interested!

"Didja get a look at his bodyguard? Talk about a man!" Delia's eyes went distant as she remembered the Martian's tall, muscular bodyguard... his close-cropped, bleach blonde hair slicked back, those steely-cool shades, and that sexy scar running down his cheek...

Chelsea groaned. "The bodyguard! Oh, man... That guy was a jerk! Did you see how he was glaring at everyone who went up to get the Martian Manhunter's autograph?"

Delia grinned. "Oh, yeah, he looked like a real tiger..."

Eliza and Chelsea shared a look. Delia and her dangerous men...

"What did he need a bodyguard for, anyway? He's in the freakin' Justice League! What was going to happen that the bodyguard could take care of, but he couldn't?" Chelsea crossed her arms over her chest, put out.

Delia winked at her. "Maybe he just keeps him around for sex!"

"Ew!" Chelsea threw a small pillow at her roommate. "Get your mind out of the gutter!"

Eliza snapped her text shut. "You are both... so weird."

Bruce pulled the scar off his face. He was glad to be rid of the skullcap and wig; it had been itching like crazy. "I hate to say this, but... I think we need to go out again tonight."

J'onn looked at him quizzically. "What do you mean?"

"Well, that wasn't much of a date, was it? We didn't even get to wander off alone at any point... I was your body guard." Bruce shrugged. "That can't count, can it?"

Smirking, J'onn sashayed closer. "You obviously don't know much about bodyguarding." Before Bruce could react, J'onn simultaneously leapt into his arms and transformed.

Bruce found himself holding a smirking Whitney Houston dressed in a silvery, slutty costume.

"See, there's still the part where you carry me off to safety can comfort me for all my pain and anguish..." J'onn fluttered his Whitney eyes, smirking uncontrollably.

Bruce managed to smirk back as he lowered his face slightly to J'onn's Whitney face. "You should transform again quickly, before I decide to let you fall on your tush."

J'onn laughed, transforming into a leggy redhead, with ample, well-revealed cleavage.

Bruce smiled, squeezing J'onn gently in his arms. "Much better."

He only took two steps towards the bed when J'onn started crooning, "And I-eee-I, will al-ways lo-ove you-oooooh!"

Bruce dropped the arm under her legs first at least, so that she had a fighting chance of landing on her feet. "There is a point, you know, where your obsession with movies becomes less charming and more annoying."

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