Fandom: West Wing
Disclaimer: They're not mine. Mostly I think that's a good thing, but right this moment I'm not sure.
Spoilers: Couple of mild ones for The Black Vera Wang and We Killed Yamamoto.
Summary: Uh, well, it's that Sam thing. And you'd think that would inspire angst, but instead there's this. You want redeeming literary value or serious treatment of the problem, this isn't it. This is Sam and Josh running off at the mouth, and who am I to argue with them? :)
"You're packing up your desk."
"It does look like that."
"*Why* are you packing up your desk?"
"Because I'm quitting. And while the next person to get this job is certainly free to take over all my paperwork, especially this agricultural report I've been putting off reading for a week, there *are* some things I'd like to take with me."
"You're packing highlighters."
"I like these highlighters. I'm attached to them. They're...colorful."
"Sam, what's going on here?"
"I just told you. I'm quitting."
"In the Donna-sense of qutting, where you talk about it all day but never actually go anywhere?"
"More in the Sam-sense of quitting, where I actually quit."
"Is this about that tape?"
"Because, you know, everybody screws up sometimes. It's okay."
"Thank you, Josh. That is approximately the six millionth time someone has said that, however--it was frankly scary when Toby started in--so I'm not sure how much impact it has at this point."
"Yeah, but this time it's *me*."
"You're saying your endorsement should carry more weight than the entire rest of the West Wing?"
"...you know, you're actually kind of cute when you're being arrogant. However, this isn't about the tape."
"Then what *is* it about?"
"Well, there's all the usual reasons--insane hours, incredible stress, inadequate pay--"
"All of which have been true for the last three years, so--"
"--but mostly it's about you."
"Did I do something? And not notice?"
"It's really more about what you *haven't* done."
"...this is about us not spending time together, right?"
"It should also involve removing clothes."
"Sam, come on."
"I have been, and you keep turning me down."
"Look, we had this conversation, and I *told* you--"
"Yes, Josh, I remember--"
"That with the MS, and the election, and, you know, everything else that's going on, we just can't afford to--"
"--risk having an affair. I know. As long as we have the jobs we have, you said."
"You know, the blank look kind of suits you."
"You're quitting your job so you can *sleep* with me?"
"See, I always knew you were smart."
"*I* am; you I'm not so sure about."
"It seems like a good solution to me."
"Sam, leaving aside the part where it's insane, it wouldn't even work. Or am I supposed to quit too?"
"I thought about that, but I decided you'd probably go into withdrawal."
"Well, it's nice to know you care."
"But that doesn't invalidate my idea."
"How doesn't it invalidate it? I said, as long as we have the jobs we have--and I still have mine."
"But I won't. Therefore, *we* will not have the jobs we have, and what you said before will no longer hold true."
"You know that you really are a grammatically fixated geek?"
"That's been pointed out to me before, yes. Now, about the sex."
"Aren't you going to say anything?"
"I'm trying to figure out how to have a rational argument with a complete lunatic."
"It's not like it's the first time."
"Was that a crack about Donna?"
"Okay. Although it's actually not that inaccurate."
"True, but I was thinking more about Mandy."
"You're comparing yourself to Mandy? You're sure you want to go there?"
"Well, maybe not to Mandy specifically. But in every relationship I've ever seen you in, Josh, *someone* was a complete lunatic. I think it may be my turn."
"So your lunacy is driving you to quit in the hopes that it will get you sex?"
"That's about the size of it, yes."
"Sam, just get this through your head. Regardless of the state of your employment, I--as the Deputy White House Chief of Staff--will not be able to sleep with you. It would be politically unwise."
"Because that would be the first time you ever did anything that was politically unwise."
"I'm trying to stop. I've made a New Year's resolution."
"I'm making it early. Donna keeps telling me I put things off too much."
"So does Amy know about this?"
"Your politically unwise girlfriend. She should probably know that you've made a resolution and will be breaking up with her."
"I just think it would be polite."
"Look, my relationship with Amy is really nobody else's business."
"Which in Joshspeak means 'I know it's a bad idea, but I don't want you to say so.'"
"I'm just saying, at least I never got you yelled at by the President."
"Well, not recently."
"So you think I should break up with Amy because our being together is a bad idea."
"And your wanting to sleep with me has nothing to do with it."
"I didn't say that."
"So you're biased."
"I am. I'm also right, though."
"Josh, Amy is a disaster. She's not a bad person, but for you, she's a walking stick of dynamite."
"You don't know that."
"Yes, I *do* know that, because it's *you*, Josh, and your love life is *always* a disaster. Always. Where other people have relationships, you have fiery plane crashes. Come on, tell me I'm wrong."
"So Amy is a bad idea."
"And you think it'd be any different with you?"
"Maybe not. But if it's going to be a disaster anyway, what have you got to lose by trying?"
"That's not going to happen, Josh. Even if I leave this job, I'm not leaving you. I couldn't."
"Wait, 'if'? *Are* you quitting?"
"I don't get a yes-or-no answer?"
"You could, but you have to do something for me first."
"Sam, I have a meeting in ten minutes."
"That's enough time."
"--and Toby could come in at any minute--"
"Then maybe we should go to your office."
"Where *Donna* is?"
"Donna won't mind."
"I really beg to differ."
"No, I think Donna would approve of you breaking up with Amy."
"Call Amy and break up with her, Josh. That's what I want from you."
"I thought you wanted--"
"That too. But I'm tired of watching you crash, Josh."
"Don't leave. Please."
"I don't have to break up first? Or have sex with you? Or beg?"
"No, although those are all good things."
"Don't get any ideas about the begging."
"I can live with just the first two."
"Right. Can I use your phone? I need to make a call..."