Assignations of Blame (and Fictives)
--- Kerithwyn Jade
But in any case I blame... Roy. Yes. That's it. I blame Roy. He invaded my brain and made me write RoySmut. ALL HIS FAULT.
The Author looked up guiltily. Meeting her gaze was an annoyed redhead glaring at her over his trademark shades. "Roy. Um..."
"What do you mean it's my fault?" he demanded.
"Well, it *is*," she protested. "Making eyes at Dick *and* Garth *and* Babs *and* Donna--honestly, Harper, what am I gonna do with you?"
He pouted. "Just because I'm a bad boy with sexy green eyes, everybody blames me for everything."
She snorted. "Oh, please--you love it. You're an attention-slut and you know it."
"Uh-uh, you're not getting out of this easily. You're ruining my rep here."
"Your reputation?" she demanded. "Reputation as what? Official Titans wiseass and shameless--"
"See, that's what I mean. I have enough problems without you blaming your fic choices—which are not my fault, I didn't do anything, nobody saw me do it--on me." He took a step closer, pulling down the shades to fix her with a seductive green gaze. "So...what're you going to do to make it up to me?"
She gulped. "Roy.... you *know* I'm married...."
"Shut UP, Roy!" she groaned.
The archer took another step forward, casually backing her up against the wall. "Nothing to feel guilty about, you know--I'm fictional. Doesn't count."
She looked around desperately for an exit, uncomfortably aware of the well-muscled body just inches away from her. "Roy, really, this isn't appropriate behavior for a fictive and his Author--"
"Hey, I won't tell if you won't. C'mon, we can practice for your next story. I've got *lots* of ideas. Like--" He leaned closer to whisper softly in her ear, and her eyes widened.
"Well...maybe..." Then her determination returned, and she shoved him away. "No. I am NOT going to let you Mary Sue me into a self-insertion smut."
He grinned lazily. "I thought I was the one who'd be inserted..."
The Author blinked, flushed, and choked. "ROY!"
The grin widened. "Well, if you're not interested you're not interested. So I guess you'll just have to think of something else."
She looked at him warily. "Like?"
"I *can't* write any more with you right now, you greedy thing, I have all this other stuff to finish--"
"That's what I meant. Write the other stories; that way people will quit blaming me and I won't have to listen to the rest of your guys bitch about how they aren't getting any."
"How...generous of you."
He grinned. "Hey, it's like you said--I can share. I know you'll get back to me eventually, after all."
She raised an eyebrow. "That confident, huh?"
He smirked. "Just call me irresistible."
"Shut up, I know. You should just get a tape-- Anyway. What about this World's Finest thing, what's that one about?"
"Robin and Superboy."
"Oh, yeah, Batboy Jr. and the Tactile Telekinesis Kid." She bit back a snicker as he continued, "We've met a few times; they're okay." He grinned. "Superboy and I get along."
She rolled her eyes. "Why aren't I surprised?"
"Because you're a wise and perceptive woman?"
"Always. Anyway, so you've got the boys together; cute. They killed each other yet?"
She grinned. "They've got canon for that. This is for fun."
"And the last time you wrote 'em was...."
She mumbled something under her breath.
Another mumble, slightly louder. He blinked. "*That* long. Not that I'd ever dictate to my Author--" he ignored the loud snort--"but don't you think they're maybe getting a little...frustrated here?"
"Yeah, yeah, them and all the readers," she sighed. "But it's just...well, there're complications, okay? Anyway, it's not like I haven't been writing at all; I've got all this Sea and Sky ready to go...."
"With Robbie and Gillhead? Cool."
She eyed him with suspicion. "You sound very enthusiastic about that..."
"Hey, I've been waiting my whole *life* to see Perfect Grayson screw up like a normal person."
She snorted. "He screws up much worse than a normal person. Anyway, he's made a mess of his love life before..."
"Kory, yeah--if *I* had a babe like that, trust me, I wouldn't spend half my time pushing her away. I'd rather get...close."
"You tried," she reminded him dryly. "She threw you into a wall."
He waved that away. "It was an accident." He smirked. "And getting decked by Kory is more fun than a date with any ten normal women."
"You love me for it."
"It's a character flaw."
"I thought it was your good taste... Anyway, but I wasn't there for Kory. This time I get to watch."
"You're not going to be around for most of it, you know."
"So I'll watch over your shoulder; I'm living in your head, y'know. And I *will* get to tease 'em for months. Years. Hell, I may *never* let up..."
"Now, Roy," she admonished, struggling valiantly to keep a straight face, "be *nice* to your teammates..."
He looked injured. "Hey, I'm always nice! In fact, I was kind of thinking--do you think they'd be interested in a threesome sometime?"
She sputtered helplessly. "ROY!"
He grinned. "What? I'm *your* fictive, you're surprised I got some of your...tendencies?"
"Fictives," she muttered with a heartfelt sigh. "Anyway, I think you're with Donna in that universe."
He paused, and his expression changed. "Donna. Yeah. Actually, I was meaning to ask you..."
"*No*," she interrupted. "I told you, no more youfic for a while."
He shook his head and flashed a patented Harper grin. "Nah--we don't need fic for that, getting plenty in canon." The grin faded. "I meant about the one with Garth, the one right after that thing with Chesh..."
She blinked. "*You* want me to work on that one?"
He flushed, and raked a hand uncomfortably through his untidy hair. "Yeah, well, I know she was having kind of a bad time, and I...wasn't helping..."
"You *were* most of the bad time," she reminded him evenly.
He looked down at the ground. "I didn't *mean* to--"
"Didn't mean to almost choose a mass murderer's life over hers?" she finished in a dust-dry voice. "Didn't mean to rush off and assure the murderer that you loved her? Didn't mean to rub it in to Donna about her son being dead?"
He winced. "Guess that sounds pretty weak, huh?"
"I know," he sighed, and then looked back up to meet her eyes squarely--no seduction or laughter this time, only painful honesty. "But that's it, see--I know I acted like a jerk. And I can't take it back, and I can't do a lot about it. But if you could write this piece, so Garth can at least make her feel a little better..."
She sighed, and shook her head. "You know, every time I'm about to kill you, you do something so sweet--"
"So you'll finish it?"
"Eventually," she promised.
"And you forgive me?"
"Oh. Well, anyway, I was looking at your idea list, and I kinda like this one where we all go to the beach, and Garth catches Robbie in the water and--"
"You're pushing it."
He gave her his best smile. "Don't I always?"
An unwilling grin pulled at the corners of her mouth. "Oh, get out of here and let me work."
He smirked. "Sure you don't want me to stay and make suggestions?"
"Only if you want me too distracted to write."
He looked at her consideringly. "Well, that could be fun too..."
"A'right, a'right..." He headed out, giving her a lazy wave in parting. "See you in your dreams, babe..."
"I wouldn't be surprised," she muttered; then shook her head and sat down to work.