Just Beginners

by Bevis

This is a fic that has been in the making for a long time. I've been meaning to write it for ages, and after seeing the request over at the Titans site for more GA/GL stories I thought I should get around to writing it. Still it's taken me longer to stop procrastinating than I'd have liked. Never mind, it's finally done. So enjoy. :)

Just Beginners

By Bevis/Lucien

Rating: 18. m/m explicit slash

Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine in any way shape or form.

Continuity: The story takes place after the events culminating in Green Arrow 111. Green Arrow (Connor Hawke) and Green Lantern (Kyle Rayner) are searching for Kyle's father but have been disappointed so far, and Kyle himself used and betrayed. The fic takes place at the end of GA 111 when the two heroes return to their hotel room.

Kyle threw open the door of the small hotel room and stormed in, his dark brows furrowed over his eyes and his arms hunched around himself protectively. How could he have been so stupid? How could he let himself get used by that?

Well, he knew how. He desperately wanted to find his father and when he thought he had... He'd have believed anything. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Connor had tried to warn him but he hadn't listen. Instead he'd fought with him. Physically. In space no less. And then he'd told him they weren't friends any more. When Connor was the only one who had ever really treated Kyle like a friend so far. With this hero gig everyone either treated him like some untouchable god like thing or like a pasty faced little beginner who could never live up to his predecessors reputation.

Connor had treated him like someone to respect and trust. A friend. And a fellow hero. They were still both new at this game but Connor didn't remind Kyle about that. Kyle could do things Connor couldn't, and Connor could do things Kyle couldn't. And Connor respected that. Knew that what others might see as a weakness was in fact a strength. Something to be used and nurtured. And Kyle, in his blind belief that his `father' couldn't possibly be doing anything wrong, had thrown that away. Connor had just brushed it off later but Kyle couldn't help but feel that he was just being sympathetic. The man he thought was his father was dead and Connor had been there, being more of a hero than Kyle had been, and so Connor had just been being kind. Not wanting to cause undue upset. But Kyle knew better. They'd stay the night here and then when the morning came Kyle would make his excuses and leave. He just felt foolish and didn't want to be around anyone, least of all Connor. Connor would only make him feel more foolish by not judging Kyle. He'd let Kyle's temper and vanity go past him and treat Kyle as if nothing had happened. Kyle didn't want that. He could almost cope with the mixture of contempt and pity that he sometimes felt from the rest of the JLA, but Connor's unquestioning attitude to everything upset Kyle more so for some reason.

Kyle slumped down on his bed and covered his eyes with his hand. He hadn't turned the lights on as he entered the room and the dim light from the hotel sign outside the window infused the room with a dull red glow that didn't help to improve his mood. He sat up again when the light was turned on. Connor was standing in the doorway looking at Kyle. The light caught his slender angular features and his mixed race was all the more obvious. The shockingly blond hair on his head didn't seem to match the sharp Asian contours of his cheekbones and the dark caramel colour of his skin. His green eyes were staring straight at Kyle. What emotions were there were hidden to Kyle at that moment. He couldn't tell whether Connor was pitying him, or angry or just cold. Kyle suddenly felt like no matter what he had thought before he didn't really know this man. He'd seen a part of him that he projected to the world, but he'd never really discovered the real Connor Hawke. Maybe he'd only got to know Green Arrow. God only knew but Kyle sometimes felt he was a different person as Kyle than Green Lantern. The persona took over the person.

"Are you alright", asked Connor eventually, but he didn't move out of the doorway. He simply stood there, arms at his side, legs slightly akimbo, and stared at Kyle.

"Yeah, sure. I'm fine", lied Kyle.

He looked away. The way that Connor was looking at him made him uncomfortable. He was looking too intently, searching for something that Kyle could only guess at.

"You don't look fine. You look like you just had your uncle die in front of your eyes."

Kyle looked at Connor, his brows furrowed again.

"Meaning?""Meaning that that kind of thing isn't going to leave you feeling fine. You've hardly spoken a word since Melanie and Eddie left us. You look like you have the whole world on your shoulders. I can even see from here that your whole body is a mass of knots and tension."

Kyle didn't answer. He scowled in Connor's general direction instead, hoping that that might put an end to the conversation. OK so it was the kind of tactic he used to use as a kid when he couldn't get his way in an argument, but hell, he felt like a kid at the moment.

"You need to learn to relax a bit," said Connor, finally coming into the room and shutting the door behind him, "you let all your frustration and anger and tension build up until it has to break out some way. You shouldn't worry as much.""That's easier said than done," muttered Kyle to himself."Why?" asked Connor.Kyle looked up. Jeez this guy had good hearing. He was still on the other side of the room but had obviously heard what Kyle had said clearly enough. At least it was creepy like the way it was with Batman."Why?" he said, "What's not to worry about? I'm a guy with one of the most powerful weapons in the universe. And I got it by mistake. The guy who was GL before me is this great figure that everyone reveres. A man totally without fear. I have to live up to that. Kyle Rayner, the punk kid who just happened to be in the right place at the right time. The kid with more confidence than is good for him. The rookie hero that has to live up to what Hal Jordan meant and did. Although I don't think they expect me to go a bit loopy and try and destroy the universe."

Kyle's last remark made Connor smile and Kyle himself felt himself smiling slightly."I mean, don't you worry?" he asked Connor, "You've got a legacy to live up to too. And you only have your bow, not a power ring like me.""Why would I worry?" replied Connor sitting at the end of Kyle's bed, "All I can do is my best. Ollie was... he was one of the best. I'm never going to be Ollie, but I don't expect to be. I only want to be me. And so the only person that I really need to worry about is myself. And if I'm careful and take care then what's to worry about. What other people think doesn't really matter. If they love you then you've got one of the greatest things from life. But only if they love you for who you are, not what you might represent or what you do."

Kyle sat in silence for a while, staring at his feet. Connor didn't say anything either. He'd learnt long ago that sometimes the most important part of a conversation is the time when neither of you says anything. It's in those moments that things really get said.

Eventually Kyle spoke."But what if what I do, who I am is... what if I do stupid things? Or if I'm not a nice person? I worry about that.""Kyle, you are a nice person. You're hot-headed and arrogant and rush into things...""Gee, thanks for the pep talk.""*But* you are still a nice person. If you didn't have any faults then you'd just be annoying. You're fine like you are. You just need to think a little more clearly sometimes and not shut others out. You have to let people in. You can't live forever living vicariously through other people's reactions to you.""Huh?""Just be yourself. And stop worrying.""Oh." Kyle looked at the ring on his finger, watching the way it caught the light."So what about you and Melanie?""Melanie?" asked Connor, looking puzzled."Yeah, I thought I saw a spark of interest there. Certainly from her.""Well, she did try to... umm..."Kyle was amused to see that Connor was blushing."So, you fancy her too?"Connor looked up at Kyle, a shocked expression on his face."No! I mean, no. She's a killer. She's violent. And she's so pushy. I find her a little... scary. She seems to like the idea that I might be like my father."Kyle laughed. "Nah," he said, "the goatee wouldn't suit you."

Connor grinned broadly this time. Kyle had finally started to relax and realised that he was only being stupid in not seeing that Connor really didn't care what Kyle had done. He understood why Kyle had done it and had chalked it up to experience. He didn't blame Kyle for anything. And if Connor didn't then maybe Kyle shouldn't either.Kyle stretched his back, trying to get the kinks out of it. His whole spine was sore and he felt like someone had been using his shoulders as a punch bag. It was a moment before he became aware of Connors fingers on his shoulders. He didn't know what to say but then felt the way that they were moving across his muscles, working away the tension as they went. Kyle had never felt anything like it before. He'd been given shoulder massages before but never like this. Connor seemed to know exactly where the sore spots and the knots were located. The pain melted away under the gentle but firm touch of the young man beside him on the bed and Kyle let his head fall forward against his chest as Connor's fingers ran up and down his neck.

"You know this'd be easier without your shirt on" said Connor.Kyle had to agree. The massage was working wonders but Connor's fingers kept getting caught in the fabric of Kyle's top, so he stripped it off and dropped it on the floor. Connor's fingers then began their work again, lightly touching his skin there, pressing deeply there. They felt soft and hot against Kyle's tired skin. They traced hot lines up and down his back, the warmth spreading to all parts of his body. Kyle was convinced that it was even clearing his head. Maybe it was the events of the day. Maybe it was what Connor had said to him just now. Maybe it was just the way his fingers were floating over his skin. Whatever Kyle felt all his worry start to shift. He was always living his life the way people expected him too. He was always trying to be the person he thought he should be. And no matter what he tried half the time it all ended up wrong anyway. So why not be the person he'd never dared to be? Why not try and find out who Kyle Rayner really was?

Connor's hand was on Kyle's shoulder, tracing the line of his collarbone and running up and down the side of his neck. Kyle reached up and gently covered Connor's hand with his own. He turned his head and looked at Connor's face so close to his own."Connor," he said quietly, "when I asked you before if you were gay and you said you didn't think so...""Yes?""Have you ever wondered?""If I were gay?""Yes. Have you ever wondered what it was like to kiss a man? What it felt like.""I've never kissed anyone Kyle. Not like that. I... I don't know. Sometimes I... I don't..."Kyle saw Connor look down, averting his eyes from Kyle's, but he didn't move his hand. Kyle shifted round so he was facing Connor more and put his hand to his friend's face, lifting his head up so that he was looking at Kyle again."Connor," said Kyle, "I have. I pretend I don't think about it because it's not expected of me, but... I wonder. And I want to try it with someone who matters to me. Someone who matters and I know cares about me just for me, not because I'm Green Lantern.""Kyle, I..."

Kyle didn't let him finish though. Instead he leaned forward and gently kissed Connor's lips. It was gentle at first, tentative. Neither of them really knew what to expect or whether they were making a mistake. But then it grew. The kiss became more passionate and Connor wrapped his arm round Kyle shoulders drawing him into an embrace. They fell back on the bed, Connor's arm wrapped around Kyle and Kyle's hand on Connor's cheek, stroking it gently. Their kiss was long and intense. Their lips burned against each other and the moment seemed to last for an eternity. Kyle could feel Connor's heart beating in his chest, their bodies as close as they could be.

Finally they broke apart and Kyle propped himself up on one elbow, looking down at Connor. Neither of them spoke. Kyle ran his hand across Connor's chest, feeling the muscles under the cloth of his shirt. Feeling the heat of him and drinking in the sight and smell of him. The soft sound of his breathing. The light on his cheeks and the way his eyes sparkled. Slowly Kyle unbuttoned Connor's and pulled it off exposing the toned flesh underneath. He leaned down and kissed the skin of his pectoral muscles. It was the same honey brown as the skin on his face and just as soft. Almost hairless but hard against Kyle's lips. Connor moaned quietly, brushing his fingers across Kyle's back and up his neck. Kyle moved across and kissed one of Connor's hard brown nipples, feeling it getting harder with his kiss. He moved down Connor's body, kissing his navel and the muscles of his stomach. His hands were exploring the flesh of Connor's body and he drank in every moment of it. It was all new to him, something he'd never done before. He'd wanted to, wondered about it. But until now he'd never had the nerve. Connor made him feel good about himself though. He made him feel wanted and he wanted Connor in return.

Eventually Kyle reached the top of Connor's trousers. Carefully and slowly so as not to spoil the sense of expectancy and exploration that had developed he undid Connor's belt and drew down the fly. He tugged down Connor's trousers, taking his cotton boxers with them and as he did so Connor's hard cock sprang up to greet him. Like the rest of his skin it was a colour that excited Kyle as much as the smell of it. It rose from a bed of fine curly blond pubic hairs and was long and slender. A good eight inches long and perfectly straight with fine veins running all over it. The head was a much darker colour, and shone in the light. From the eye a drop of pre-cum was already forming. Kyle leant forward and with a gentle tongue licked up the clear fluid. He could feel Connor shudder with pleasure under him and Kyle himself almost gasped aloud with the taste of it. It was all so new and yet in a way so familiar. Like it was something that had been missing for his life and had now filled a void.

He licked his lips and then gently took the head of Connor's cock into his mouth, savouring the feel of it. Connor let out a whimper as Kyle moved his lips down the shaft, swallowing it whole. Gradually he moved down licking and teasing it until his nose was against Connor's belly and his lips were touching the pubes covering Connor's groin. Kyle ran his fingers all over Connor's body feeling the way the fine hairs were standing on end and the way his cock was pulsing in his mouth. The taste of him, his heat, everything about it was right. This wasn't the Kyle that people expected, but it was Kyle.

He raised his head and let Connor's cock pop out of his mouth and fall with a wet slap against the hard muscles of his stomach. Still neither of them spoke a word but they looked into each other's eyes and knew they didn't need words. Kyle sat up and undid his own trousers, removing them in one fluid movement. His own cock stood hard against his belly, his own dark pubes and pale skin contrasting so starkly with Connor's. Kyle shifted up until he was sat over Connor. He reached back and positioned Connor's throbbing cock against the cleft of his arse. He didn't really know what he was doing but he was going to try anyway.

Connor was about to say something but it seemed as if Kyle could read his mind because through the gap in Kyle's legs Connor suddenly saw his cock enswathed in an emerald glow that emanated from Kyle's power-ring. Then Kyle moved back and his low hanging balls blocked Connor's view. Instead Connor felt the warmth of Kyle's arse against the tip of his cock. Kyle took Connor's cock in his hand and gently guided it towards its target. He shifted back and with a grunt Connor felt himself enter Kyle. The green lantern ring had obviously acted not only as protection but as a lubricant as well but it didn't cause a loss of sensation. The heat of Kyle's gut around Connor's pulsing head was almost too much to stand but Connor breathed deeply and regained control of himself. Kyle shifted back again until he was completely impaled on Connor's dick. He could feel the flesh throbbing inside him and feel it brushing against his prostate, setting off a throbbing in his own cock.

Slowly at first Kyle began moving back and forth, revelling in the feeling of Connor's cock entering him over and over. The way his arse clutched at it and the way it made him feel inside. His own cock leaked clear pre-cum on Connor's chest and felt like it was harder and larger than ever before. Then he began to pick up speed as he found his rhythm. He shut his eyes and put his head back trying to take in every sensation, every sound, and every smell. Then he felt Connor's hand wrap around his cock and pump with the same rhythm. Faster and faster they moved together, Connor's cock deep in Kyle's arse, Kyle's cock being manipulated by Connor's slender, strong fingers.

Kyle could feel the pressure rising in his balls and began to rock back and forth even faster. He was moaning aloud now and so was Connor. Connor who had been so still up to that point began thrusting up into Kyle, pumping his hips at the same time as Kyle. Finally with a loud cry Kyle came, his spunk hitting the wall above the bed with its first wave. Subsequent waves splattered on Connor's cheek, and then on his chest. Again and again he came until he thought he would never be able to again. Still Connor was pumping in his arse though, his cock hard as rock and rubbing again and again against Kyle's prostate, setting of tremors of delight all through the dark haired man's body. One last time Kyle thrust backwards, feeling Connor entering him fully and his pubes digging into his hard buttocks. With a cry Connor came himself, his cock pumping his cum into Kyle's arse. The feel of it set of Kyle again and for a second time in as many minutes he shot of another load, again covering Connor's chest which was by now sticky and gleaming with Kyle's cum.

Kyle fell forwards, Connor's cock still deep inside him, and listened to the heavy breathing of the man against who's chest he lay. It was the first time in as long as he could remember that he really felt valued. The first time in so long that he felt good in himself and felt loved. And the first time that he really felt that he himself loved someone. He drew Connor closer to him, feeling the warm wetness between their flesh, and closed his eyes. Connor in turn wrapped his arms around Kyle and rested his chin against the dark hair on Kyle's head. A smile of contentment lay on both their lips. Naked and silent they fell asleep, Kyle clinging to Connor with his arse still full of Connor's cock.

It was just the first time. The first time for them. The first time Kyle really felt confident. But it wouldn't be the last. They were finding their way, they were just beginners, but they wouldn't be learning alone any more. Not as long as they had each other. And as the moon crossed the sky they dreamt the same dream, breathing in time. Emerald allies and perfect lovers.



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